Ending or new beginnings

Its a few hours to the end of the year and I think I am ready to see it gone. This year i have finished half of my journey alhamdullulahi to being a doc. I have also gotten to know the true colors of people in my lives. I am thankful for the good memories and hope for the bad ones to go away. I hope Allah continues to guide me and bless me and protect everyone I love. Goodbye 2012!

Evolving into a hermit

I feel the need to run far away from people. Its like i don't know how to act when it comes to people anymore. My words escape me and my eyes start looking for the exit sign. Dear Lord have I become a hermit?

Ungrateful ingrates

What is it about us humans, as soon as we get comfortable and fat we start to forget who lent us a helping hand. Its so common practice these days that we don't even notice when we are ungrateful ingrate. We bemoan our bad luck and our not receiving anything good but when we get something good we forget that we prayed for someone to help us. We prayed for good fortune and that we should thank those who helped us procure that good fortune. We should thank God everyday for our good fortune and all of our friends who helped us along the way inshallah.

Sleepless

I am strangely awake at an ungodly hour again. Its been a constant occurrence lately that I am wishing for those white pills that bring me impregnantable slumber. I am completely useless without sleep in the morning. I am sluggish and even coffee doesn't awaken me. Just wish the sandman would look into me soon!

Visiting old haunts

Sometimes I get the urge to relive certain moments of my life. There are very few and far in between moments I'd like to revisit but, those moments are, as the young ones call it,  epic. I have recently noticed that with age I revisit these moments more and more and always with a bit of nostalgia. This has lead me to the question, " What is it about the past that we hold on to?"

Remember your old uncle or even grandpa talking about the good old days. The days when people knew how to act, had proper values etc. It is always brightest on that side of the memory storeroom. Life is so much more joyful but is it really? Are our memory banks corrupted and thus coloring our perception of life? My theory is that if you were taken back to that moment you wouldn't enjoy yourself as much as you claim. That if we were to question observers of your life then, they wouldn't remember the appreciative smirk on your face as you got drunk for the first time, snuck into a club with a fake ID or even set fire to a building just to get back at the mean land lord who evicted you!

No, they would talk about how you cursed those moments and wished them gone from your life. So, what is it about them that makes you appreciate them decades down the road? Perhaps its the comparison between the past and the present. The present that seems complicated and unsure versus the past that is tried and true. Psychologically are we losing ourselves in what had been, minus the bad parts? Does this make life much more bearable in the present.

Throughout history masses of people have had atrocities committed to them and if collectively asked about the time before the evil befell them, they are quick to point out the beauty, happiness and peace they used to experience. Sometimes when I listen to my parents and grandparents talk about Somalia, I hear this nostalgic pull. Do they really believe life was much better during the era of Siyad Barre or even pre-Siyad Barre? See I wouldn't know because all I have to go off is their recollection and at times I am not sure I can trust their minds.

So I pose a question, should we trust our nostalgic memory that is a reconstruct of what really happened?

Twiddling Thumbs

Its a few minutes past the hour and I am staring at this screen unable to focus enough to write down my short hand notes regarding inflammation and extravasation of leukocytes. This will be my monotonous life for the next few months as I gear up to take the first of my licensing exams. I figured I would go completely crazy unless I have an outlet for my boredom, so what better outlet then my old blogs.

Things have been pretty quiet in this corner of the world because I have retreated from my virtual presence as I concentrated in being present in daily life moments. This new mantra has been particularly easy to keep up as distances between my stressors have increased. It used to be hard to live in the moment because I had to make contingent plans for everything. My life was fluid and I didn't quiet feel in control of it so my pushback was making plans; longterm and shortterm. I grew into this pessimistic creature always waiting for something to go wrong so I can use my contingent plans. Needless to say I don't lend my brain cells to those exercises anymore.

So, here I am twiddling my thumbs waiting for my grade to be posted instead of studying. I have no pressure to do this exam and this just might be my undoing. I have 6 months to do it but I want to do it in 2 months. This, I understand will require much from me including focus. People all around me seem to be able to sit for 8 hours straight studying. I get bored after an hour and start looking at huffpost, twitter but not FB. I have released myself from that trap!

Anyways, I will be popping in and out of this corner to combat my boredom. Hopefully it works, and if within my posts you find some study products just ignore them I am probably trying to process how to remember something. Cheers!

Library Blues

I have been living in the library for the past month and a half ugh! I can't believe it has gotten to this point that my study breaks are the only times I don't have a computer or book in front of me. Alhamdullilah though because I am learning and pursuing what I love even if its difficult now.

So, I read a book this past month which is a pleasant suprise. I will post my review of it inshallah soon. The book is  'Arab Season' set in England. I am also in the midst of preparing for my PHR talks, one of which is about Ogaden and the other about the green revolution in Iran. I am apprehensive and excited at the same time so Inshallah Kheyr.

My birthday is coming up and its going to be my second birthday away from my family. I am probably going to be spending it in the library :P since I will be having an exam the Friday of that week. I am grateful to Allah for making my life as blessed as it is. I have been through a rather interesting year both personally and professionally. I am excited to see where my next birthday will find me inshallah(hopefully done with my USMLE Step 1 and kicking it in Far East). Make dua for me when you pray that I get through this year with little drama and plenty of joy, love and happiness.

Blessings all around!!!

Physician for Human Rights

I recently became a member of this organization and have been appointed as committee head for the International Section. I don't have much time this semester to be working on a huge project so I am inshallah planning to highlight 'how political freedom is curtailed around the world'. I picked Iran and Ogaden region of Ethiopia to be my focal points.

I will be screening two documentaries followed by a post discussion; ' The Green Wave' and 'Silent Cry'. I am not completely conversational with Ogaden's genocide and political wrangling unfortunately and therefore find myself in search for credible sources to use. So far I have made some headway but I need to contact a human rights or media spokesman/woman who will give a fair and objective summary about the situation. I have been warned that the Ethiopian government seeks to muffle anyone who is vocal about whats going on the ground in Ogaden but I didn't think it would be so hard to find someone in the West who will be helpful/interviewable.

So, on the off chance that you, my reader, happen to read this post and know someone who can help me, I would be so so so so so indebted to you. I am at my wits end especially since I actually want to kick off my semester with the Ogaden documentary screening and my planned date is drawing oh so near :( If you can help drop me a line in the comments and I'll definitely follow up.

Till then I am off to expand my mind!!