Where does the buck stop?

The day looked long from the get go. Picking himself nimbly from his chair, Bashir moved towards the window. The buildings looked small from his stand point almost like a Lego set. He remembered the first time he had accepted his position. Standing at the precipice of greatness, he had requested the office that he now stood in. A person who walked in from the dark interior of the receptionist office would be greeted with a regal view of the Manhattan skyline. From his pinnacle he could see the many color changes that the Seagram building took, the elegance of Chrysler building and off course his favorite hang out the Rockefeller center. Bashir mused as he looked to the horizon for an answer to the restlessness that permeated his very being today. As he lost himself in his own world he thought he saw an answer emerging from the smog that constantly hung around the city. He could see it take form and as he reached out to grasp it, the phone rung! Illusion dissipating, Bashir turned crossly to his desk. He remembered acutely telling Suzon that he didn’t want any interruptions.

“I thought I said no interruptions!” He snapped.
“Oo maxaa dhacee?” replied the demure voice of a female.
“Oh its you.”
“Were you expecting someone else?” She asked.
“No, I am just busy and wasn’t expecting any interruptions.”
“Ok. I guess I best get back to being ‘unbusy’.” She retorted and hung up.


Bashir couldn’t be bothered today. He didn’t feel like dealing with anyone especially not her. Things have been strained between them for the past month and maybe she might be part of his restless nature today. He sat back down on his desk and set about drowning in his tasks. Bashir methodically struck each task off his list as the day went. “I am off, is there anything else you needed before I leave?” asked Suzon as she stuck her head through his door. “No thanks,” said Bashir grumpily. Suzon smiled and closed the door gently behind her. She didn’t know what was eating him today but whatever it was, she was just happy to get out of his hair. Bashir sat back in his chair and weighed his options. Should he go back to the house or call up Farax and go get something to eat? Reaching out his long fingers, he dialed Farax’s number. There were five rings, after which Farax’s aussie accent informed him that he should leave a message. Hanging up Bashir got on his feet and put on his jacket. On his way down to the building garage he went through the pleasantries of saying bye to the few workers who were burning the midnight candle. Unlocking his new Aspen Chrysler he threw his jacket and bag in the seat next to him. Popping in his Maxwell CD he leaned his head back on the seat. Why did he feel so out of sorts today? Shaking his head to dislodge the pessimistic thoughts he gunned his engine.

The traffic wasn’t snarled as it usually is but that was probably due to the four day weekend starting today. Most people had already set out earlier during the day for their road trips. He was partly envious that he couldn’t just up and leave anymore. He had things and people depending on him and so he was chained to this city. Bashir turned into the driveway and opened the garage door with his remote. Grabbing his bag and jacket he made his way to the kitchen. Something smelled nice as he took off his shoes. As he set his jacket on the kitchen hook and his bag on the floor he stepped onto the kitchen floor but instead of cold linoleum he felt a soft sensation. Reaching over to turn on the lights he heard the soft notes of Azyet playing. That’s weird he didn’t remember leaving the surround system on. Curious he didn’t turn on the light instead he walked cautiously into the house. As he walked by the dining room he saw the table set as usual except this time there was a feast on the table and candles around it. Curiosity completely piqued he rounded the corner to the bedroom. The bedroom has soft lights and candles all over. There were rose petals on the bed and floor and on his bed there was his robe with a note attached that there was a surprise waiting for him in the bathroom.

Bashir recognized the writing to be that of Amal. The cursive B of his name was unmistakable. He climbed out of his clothes and wrapped the robe around his slim waist. Walking tentatively to the bathroom he saw the bathtub was full of bubbles and the sweet intoxicating smell of lavender and jasmine hung in the air. Barry white’s baritone voice serenaded the candle light to perform a dance that enticed his visual senses. Smiling to himself, Bashir climbed into the tub. The water temperature was perfect and on the side of the tub sat his cigar, ashtray and cigar clipper but no lighter. Just as he was about to climb out of his tub to get the lighter he heard before he saw the flicker of the lighter. Amal’s face radiated as she watched him puff life into his cigar. She then lay a small kiss on his forehead and told him that she is going to warm up dinner while he relaxes in his bath. Laying back into the bathtub Bashir forgot all his worries of his day. This was certainly a nice surprise. Amal was on residency rotation at the Mt. Sinai hospital and rarely came home these past nights. They had been married for one year and the past month had being rocky due mainly to her being busy with her career.

As his body relaxed, Bashir reminisced about the day of their marriage. Amal had being adamant about not getting married in a huge ceremony but Bashir had seen through her excuses. He had gone ahead and done all the preparations and on that fateful day Amal had being unavailable. Everyone was in on the hoax and when her cousins had gone to pick her up she was not at her apartment. Bashir had begun to get worried when at 6 pm there still was no one picking up her cell phone. Calling the police he had being informed that maybe he should wait 24 hours before calling in the calvary. The police assured him that Amal had probably got cold feet. Bashir was worried sick and the whole affair was cancelled. He had roamed the streets by her apartment, had called Mt. Sinai and eventually he just sat at her apartment stoop waiting in the cold. Around midnight Amal had calmly walked up to the apartment only to be shocked to see Bashir asleep on her stoop. She shook him awake anxious to know what made him sleep on her stoop. Bashir remembered hugging her tightly and close to him scared that he was dreaming. He remembered planting kisses all over her face saying over and over that she should never go too far from him. Amal calmly took him into the apartment and explained that she had gone to visit an old friend who was dying and that she had left her cell phone at home since she was awaken from sleep by her friend’s family member. When she heard what Bashir wanted to do that day she felt so bad that she called the sheikh’s number and woke him from sleep telling him it was an emergency. She had then proceeded to get dressed in a beautiful gold dirac and wore simple jewelry. Taking his hands she drove through the streets to the sheikh’s house. There at precisely 1:20 am they were married in the eyes of God.


Bashir never regretted marrying her. She was always there for him. Tonight she obviously had left her work to be with him. She always put him ahead of most things and he had gotten used to it. The past month he had been acting like a spoilt brat because for once she let her work play a bigger role in her life. He couldn’t blame her though. She had worked hard to be where she was. She was a smart woman among her other attributes. As he climbed out of the tepid water, Bashir walked towards the dining room. He stood at the doorway looking at her as she flitted between the kitchen and dining room laying the dishes down on the table. She looked up as she made another trip to the kitchen and smiled. Bashir sat at the table and waited like a child to be told to eat. Amal sat by him and proceeded to serve him when Bashir stopped her. He held her hands and planted a soft kiss on her wrist and thanked her for being his wife. He apologized for being difficult at which point she shushed him and told him not to worry. They had both let things come in between their marriage. She placed her hand lovingly on his face and told him to just relax and forget about his worries at least for tonight. Tonight it was all about him and her……………………

Collection of my fav. poems.

In the Depths of Solitude

I exist in the depths of solitude
pondering my true goal
Trying 2 find peace of mind
and still preserve my soul
CONSTANTLY yearning 2 be accepted
and from all receive respect
Never compromising but sometimes risky
and that is my only regret
A young heart with an old soul
How can I be in the depths of solitude
when there R 2 inside of me
This Duo within me causes
the perfect opportunity
2 learn and live twice as fast
as those who accept simplicity


Sometimes I cry

Sometimes when I'm alone
I cry because I'm on my own
The tears I cry R bitter and warm
They flow with life but take no form
I cry because my heart is torn
and I find it difficult 2 carry on
If I had an ear 2 confide in
I would cry among my treasured friends
But who do u know that stop that long
to help another to carry on
The world moves fast and it would rather pass u by
than 2 stop and c what makes u cry
Its painful and sad and sometimes I cry
and no one cares about why

Only 4 the Righteous

I'm down with strictly Dope "So"
That means I'm more than u can handle
"Hot" I'm hotter than the wax from a candle
"Him" that's Roc he's my microphone companion
"Lyrics" full of knowledge, truth and understanding
"Hobbies" rapping is my only recreation
"Retire" you must be on some kind of medication
"Why" because I'll never loosen up my mic grip
"Drugs" never cuz I'm living on the right tip
"Sex" only with my girl because I love her
"Babies" impossible I always use a rubber
"Bored" rarely cuz I'm keeping myself busy
"Scratch" nah I leave the cutting up 2 Dize
"Dize?" yeh that's my D.J. he's the greatest
"Word" nah he's paying me 2 say this
"The mind" is something that I cultivate and treasure
"Thanks" you're welcome and besides it was my Pleasure

If I Fail

If in my quest 2 achieve my goals
I stumble or crumble and lose my soul
Those that knew me would easily co-sign
There was never a life as hard as mine
No father-no money-no chance and no guide
I only follow my voice inside
if it guides me wrong and I do not win
I'll learn from mistakes and try 2 achieve

What Is It that I Search 4

I know not what I search 4
But I know I have yet 2 find it,
Because it is invisible 2 the eye
My heart must search 4 it blinded.

And if by chance I find it,
Will I know my mission is achieved?
Can one come 2 conclusions,
Before the question is conceived?

Just as no one knows
what lies beyond the shore.
I will never find the answer 2
what it is that I search 4.

And 2morrow

Today is filled with anger
Fueled with hidden hate
Scared of being outcast
Afraid of common fate
Today is built on tragedies
which no one wants to face
Nightmares 2 humanities
and morally disgraced
Tonite is filled with rage
Violence in the air
Children bred with ruthlessness
Because no one at home cares
Tonite I lay my head down
But the pressure never stops
gnawing at my sanity
content when I am dropped
But 2morrow I c change
A chance 2 build anew
Built on spirit, intent of heart
and ideals based on truth
And 2morrow I wake with second wind
And strong because of pride
2 know I fought with all my heart 2 keep my dream alive


These poems were written by Tupac Shakur and below you can hear me reading them out loud. I hope they touch you like they did me.Enjoy

Chance meeting

Mohamed moved his pool stick in line with the cue ball as he calculated the angle to hit the ball and put his friend Salim out of his misery. Executing his shot perfectly he turned to his friend with a grin plastered on his face. “Man, I told you ……….you can't beat this,” He said as he presented himself with flourish. “Bugger off mate!” snarled Salim. Mohamed and Salim have been friends since standard two and they were forever trying to best each other. Come to think of it, Mohamed recalled those were the very circumstances under which they forged their friendship. Salim and he were the only two contestants from their school left in the state swimming championship. Mohamed had won the race by a stroke and Salim had thrown a tantrum till Mohamed had gone over and handed his trophy to him saying he had being a good competitor. The rest shall we say was history. Looking quickly at his watch, Salim turned to Mohamed to take his leave.

“What you up to after this?” asked Salim.
“Nothing man, just gonna go kick back in the crib and work on my coursework. Why you asking?” came the reply.
“You want to help me out. I got to go over to Ealing and deal with this thing,”said Salim whilst cocking his head. This usually meant one thing to Mohamed. It meant there was more to the story than Salim was willing to let on.
“Sure man,” agreed Mohamed.


As they drove towards their destination, Mohamed mused as to what was Salim up to. He normally would badger him till he got the information but this time he sensed there was something else. They talked about school and women, their two favorite topics. Salim as usual was the more level headed one. He had being married now for 6 months and he believed he was an expert in the field. Mohamed didn’t think he would ever be able to take that step. He liked the way his life was. He had choices and there is nothing more a black person likes than a buffet. Salim parked the car next to a beautiful house with an even more beautiful garden. It looked like Mother Nature was in full swing in this part of the world. Following Salim to the door, Mohamed wondered who lived in the house and what they were doing there. “Salaam Aleykum Fartun,” greeted Salim as he was beckoned into the house. Mohamed looked up to greet their host but his words got lodged in his throat.

She stood tall for a woman. Her eyes were set apart with a short cute button nose in between it. Her lips were the color of tarty pink grapefruit. She was wearing a turquoise colored dirac and her figure was admirable. She stared at Mohamed as she moved to close the door. She recognized him……….darn it, thought Mohamed. Salim who hadn’t noticed the interchange of looks between them, walked on into the living room. The house suddenly erupted in screams and giggles as two girls ran to hug Salim’s legs. Mohamed kept his distance from the scene completely unsure of what was happening. Who was this woman to Salim for that matter who were these kids to Salim? Fartun walked past him to usher the kids into the living room all the while apologizing for the mess the house was in. Salim sat back in one of the ottoman chairs as the kids swarmed around him, asking him question after question. Mohamed sat across from his friend aghast at what he was seeing and trepidation set in. Would she tell Salim they had met before? Was this Salim’s other woman? Sensing his friend’s gaze on him Salim looked up, “I guess I owe you an explaination.”


Fartun was his sister in law. He came over to check up on her once a week and more recently every couple days. She was a mother to the two girls and a wife to a man who didn’t deserve her. Her husband practically lived next door at his mother’s house and never came to see her or the kids. He didn’t provide for her except paying for the bills. Her fridge was constantly empty and she had resorted to selling her gold to feed her kids. Her sister (Salim’s wife) has asked Salim to look into her sister every week and help out. They were in the process of getting Fartun freed from her marriage. It was a sad case and Mohamed had a new found respect for this tall woman. Fartun played the gracious host keeping up the small talk and fixing them tea and biscuits. Her children, Kamar and Kay, were excited at the prospect of having two men to play with. They seemed to lack male presence in their life and Mohamed could empathize. After half an hour or so Salim asked Fartun for her grocery list and told her that Mohamed and him will follow her list to the letter and even arrange it in her cupboards. Fartun smiled and told him that she likes to touch and pick her own vegetables; she couldn’t trust a man to do that for her. They reached a consensus. Mohamed would take her to the grocery store while Salim babysat the girls. This proved to be agreeable to all parties except Mohamed but he didn’t voice his opposition due to curiosity taking priority.

As Mohamed got out of the parking spot with Fartun as a passenger, he noticed she was wringing her fingers on her lap. Her fingers were long and delicate with barely any jewelry to accentuate her beauty. Mohamed remembered the first time he saw her. He thought she was an apparition from his dreams. She was walking away from the goldsmith and seemed to be preoccupied with her own thoughts. Mohamed being the masterful charmer sidled close to her. He introduced himself exclaiming that he couldn’t help but to notice that she was sent to earth to torment his very soul. He put on his best show and all she did was blink fixatedly at him. “I’m sorry you must have me confused with someone else. I am a single mother with mouths of children to feed and no time to waste on a romp in the sac plus I have a feeling you wouldn’t know what to do with a real woman if she fell on your lap,” said she stiffly as she turned on her heel and left him with his mouth agape. Mohamed had never being turned down by a woman yet and this left him bare. He had consoled himself saying that she was a single mother anyway what good was she. Another man had her and deemed her unworthy. Women these days!

Thinking back to that day Mohamed felt awful for thinking all those thoughts about her. The silence in the car spoke volumes and pretty soon Mohamed was sure it would rise to a crescendo. Turning on the CD he selected track number three on the mix CD. Craig David’s sultry voice filled the car as he talked of not missing your water till the well runs dry. Almost inaudible she started humming to the tune and Mohamed joined in with lyrics. After a couple minutes Fartun jumped in too and they sang the song till the end. When the track ended they laughed and the ice was broken. Fartun apologized for being rude to him in the streets and Mohamed apologized for hitting on her but that he meant the compliments wholeheartedly. The conversation flowed like a spring bubbling over rocks that pretty soon Fartun confided her life story to Mohamed. How she had married her husband because her mother had asked it of her. How he was an inconsiderate oaf that lets his mother control his finances and when she questioned this he had called her uneducated and a burden. That was the beginning of the split and it practically went downhill after that. Mohamed kept silent through her tale and didn’t say anything in response for he didn’t feel it was his place to say anything. They did the shopping and got done within half an hour. Within that time frame Fartun got to know Mohamed and vice versa. It felt so natural to talk to her and no topic seemed off limits for them. Mohamed was almost sad when he turned into her driveway. Mohamed grabbed the heavy bags and set out for the kitchen. Salim helped Mohamed as Fartun got the girls ready for bed.

Mohamed commended his friend for his kindness and told him that he would like to help. Salim looked at him in surprise and smiled. He knew his friend a little too well. He knew Mohamed was taken by Fartun and he couldn’t blame him. She was a smart, funny, kind and had a heart of gold. Any man would be lucky to have her. Fartun walked in before he could ask Mohamed what he thought of Fartun’s situation. She thanked them both and invited them to stay over for dinner. They both declined the invitation and begged off to go attend to their own lives. Mohamed walked out with Salim and as he walked by Fartun he handed her a slip of paper with his number. Salim saw the exchange in the corner of his eyes and pretended to busy himself with turning the car on. During the drive back to the pool hall to pick up Mohamed’s car Salim talked about everything but Fartun. Mohamed on the other hand thought about nothing but Fartun. He was perplexed as to why he gave her his number. He usually made it a rule not to deal with women who had children. But Fartun was a different sort of woman with her there were no boundaries, he could envision things he could do for her and to her………………………………

My neglected corner of sports

Seriously I am just glad its Friday but I guess owning to tradition I have to confess that its extra special Friday. Its the friday before the Superbowl and I got to say I ain't even tuned in to what the TV is saying because I am just not interested this time. Superbowl 40 is between Pitts. Steelers and Seattle Seahawks. These two teams were a suprise for many to be in contension for the championship and for me more than anything. Unlike many I didn't think the Colts were going to make it but I thought for sure the broncos and panthers. Watching the NFC and AFC I was utterly disgusted by display of Plummer and Delhomme. They were not in their usual form, misreading coverage and the interceptions were a constant aspect in their game that night. Enough of my griping they didn't make it to the Superbowl so what? So I am stuck watching two teams that I think are undeserving of the honor. For Steelers who have won four Superbowl titles and making their fifth appearance to the championship, this is a road travelled before but for the Seahawks its new terrain.

Steelers astounded me. They beat Carson Palmer,Rudi Johnson, Peyton Manning, Edgerrin James, Jake Plummer, Marvin Harrison et al to make it to the SuperBowl. That is impressive in it of itself. Lets start at the QB Ben Roethlisberger, he boosts a 124.8 passer rating and 17 TDs. He will be one of the youngest QB to win the Superbowl if Steelers win. Next person of note in the steelers line up has got to be no one but Joey Porter. He seems to have an aptitude for left tackles and he not shy about it. His speed is another dimension to his game and gives it the edge he needs to create pressure on QB's. Last but not least we have T Polamalu. This exotic long haired safety is all over the field. Though he is on the injury list many believe he will still be playing come Sunday. The game wouldn't be the same without him. All in all the notables mentioned plus the Steelers 3-4 defense formation is what the Steelers game is about.

Seahawks on the other hand are the underdogs coming into this Superbowl. Most people contend that they didn't have much of a lineup to contend with during regular season. At the head of their game we have QB Matt Hasselbeck. What to note is that against a 3-4 defence formations Matt's passer rate dropped to 58.0. The other person to look for is Shaun Alexander, seahawk's running back. I don't know what to say about this team because I tended to be ignorant of them when they played. Advice though would be that they shouldn't give time for the Steelers defence to rotate and reform. Keep the game fast.


In other news, forecasts for Pistons to actually get to the famed 70 game win during regular season are being thrown around. I love the pistons and I will have great faith in them always and I really do think they will be able to do it. But only if they don't let up on their game once they get home court advantage. Hell I might just drive to Auburn Hills to watch them if they get close to their goal. NBA All Star teams has being announced for the East:Allen Iverson, Jermaine O'Neal, Lebron James, Dwayne Wade and the Big Man (Shaq). The West boosts Kobe Bryant, Yao Ming, Tracy Mcgrady, Steve Nash and Tim Duncan. Definately a great group of talented individuals, no chance of Kobe getting that 81 points with this many talented people around him. (I keed I keed). Hope Jermaine actually gets well quick with the pacers losing fire with artest gone and now him. Will try to keep up with sports world though sometimes I get caught up with other things. Happy SuperBowl Weekend to all!!