Guess you can tell from the picture what my rant is going to be about. I started another full time job the day after school closed. Its summer so I figured I could use the long days to make money plus gain experience in a hospital setting. Its being about 9 weeks now since I started this job and I am beginning to loathe going to work because of one person. Lets call him Mr. T for confidentiality purposes.
He is Nigerian and a christian. I try not to get into the habit of stereotyping people but Nigerian men have loose morals, among other loose things. Anyway he was nice to me the first day and since he was among the three africans working among 75 caucasians, I reciprocated. BIG MISTAKE!!!
Let me go through my run ins with Mr T. One day as I was bending down to grab some drugs he walks out of the break room. Ladies, you know that feeling when your skin crawls because you know someone is looking at you with horrible thoughts? I turned around to look and there he was grinning at my backside. I got up and asked if I was in his way and he says, "Nope, just admiring the view. THE CHEEK! I glared at him and he walked off chuckling. The next day he says he will take me to Nigeria to be his wife and basically since then he says it once every day to me. Another instance, while he held the door open for me, he whispers, "You are well endowed." I did a double take and told him to be careful what he says to me. The last straw was when he sat across from me in the break room while I was lunching and proceeded to make me uncomfortable by remarking how he loves the way my skirts look on me. " You are always dressed well and within your parameters of your religion, covering your essential areas but I love the way your skirts fit;especially the green one." YUK! From then on I can't even wear my green skirt.
I have had it! Seriously. I wear my hijab, my long sleeve shirts and my skirts. I thought I was being modest and modern at the same time, but after Mr. T I am having doubts. I am not the kind of person who is aggressive and therefore find it hard to tell him that he is being an asshole and neaderthal. I have told him I am getting married, I have told him I feel uncomfortable with the way he speaks to me and about me, I mean what else is left to do but maybe bring it up to my supervisor? I feel awful even contemplating it. He is a veteran at work and I definately don't want to make life harder for anyone especially another black person. What to do???? Any ideas???
8 comments:
SD,
Why in the world should you feel immodest (when you are fully modest)? Because a pervert is making sleazy eyes and comments at you and is clearly enjoying harrasing you?
Stop questioning yourself and stand up to him. They really love it when you are nice, polite and considerate because it means they can carry on with minimum comeback.
Dont think about him, and don't feel sorry for him. You have every right to go about your work in a respectful, safe and pleasant environment (might be too much to hope for in a hospital, but hey...).
I would advice you to take action. First, speak to someone you trust at your workplace (you need to have someone who is aware of what's going on, in case you decide to take the matter further up later). Second, tell him that you find his behaviour completely unacceptable and warn him that you have sought advice and you will report him to his superiors if he doesn't stop harassing you.
You really can't be any nicer than that. What was that Somali saying? Nin kuu digay kuma dilin? Something like that? Anyway, I'm sure you get it. If he carries on being grossly inappropriate, there will be nothing to stop you from reporting him. Does that sound fair?
Please, I beg you, don't be someone's doormat.
Best of luck,
Firefly
ouch what a situation! bless, am not sure what to say other then get some advice and keep us informed!
You need to remember that is not your fault in any shape or form!
feel free to pass your green skirt on to this sister :)
That is just too sad.
First of all, apart from harrasing you with all sorts of freaky looks, he still has the guts to talk like that..
I am sorry for you walahi but still, as an advise, the way firefly did comment, let someone else know about this story so that as you arrange to put him in a "cage"..someone is ready to testfiy as a witness.
lol@Nin kuu digay kuma dilin? it is the last somali proverb left
salaam,
evrybody seems 2 have given great advice.....i can understand that u dont wanna make life difficult 4 any1. but if the brother doesn't relent i guess the right thing to do would be to inform the appropriate people.....
just remember it aint ur fault and do tell someone about it so they can corrobarate u if it you end up informing your supervisor...
and by the way dont let some man with loose morals make you start doubting yourself....mashaAllah you ar making the effort to be modest...may ALLAH reward you for it...ameen.
keep us informed on how this develops....on a lighter note...if u were in mancity with NM and i....we would've offered to stage of protest....would have been fun too.....lol right NM? :D
Thanks all for your input. The thought crossed my mind to get a collaborator but there is a slight problem. One of which is, he talks that way when there is no one else around. The other is, that he has a reputation at work as someone who talks about peevy things a lot. Which makes me think that if I say anything I will be dubbed as over-reacting.
We recently hired a new supervisor. Guess what? He is male and he is from Ghana. Affirmative action placed him in that role and he has being chummy chummy with Mr. T. Can I just sic one of my male cuz on him?? or maybe a male friend?? He got kinda jealous today at lunch when he saw me walking with a somali male co-worker. Came upto me in the afternoon and asked me if that was my b/f.
Firefly, I know I sound like a doormat but its a misconception that I perpetuate with my smiles and good nature. I like giving people a fair shake till they go past my boundaries then I just let the hammer/mallet fly. He hasn't reached that threshold yet with me. He is bordering a hemmoroid right about now. I just need the medicine.
everyone seems to be advicing you to be strong and what not...honestly when in that spot it just isnt easy. I've had similar trouble during highschool and let me just say that there's nothing that feels worst than that dirty feelin you get cuz some asshole's lookin at'chu like you're some slice of cake...$%$# the comments are equally as gross too. There wasnt much i could do at the time cuz well ...uniform is uniform and how exactly do you go about explainin such things to parents?? anyway...last of highschool i'd made up my mind to switch to cabayaays full time...problem solved.
oops...went off there a bit *sorry!!*
but um yea...if you find it easier to talk it out, do so...and good luck. *ever thought of perhaps addin a little something into his drink?? *
ever thought of perhaps addin a little something into his drink?? *
.....That is the last piece of advise, I suppose
asalamu alaikum
I'm not sure if this has been resolved since then but I've had a similar situation with a Nigerian christian man..and let me tell ya...he never looked at me again after i spoke to him.
I pulled him aside one day....told him to wipe the smile off his face 'cuz I wasn't joking. I told him he makes me feel uncomfortable and that his actions were bordering on sexual harrasement. I told him that if this persisted I'd have to seek speak with the manager. It took a lot of courage (and anger) but I'm glad I talked to him about it. He doesn't even look my way anymore.
try it.
hope all goes well inshaAllah.
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