Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Part II of Taalam Acey

We need you to come back forward
Sorted into the monolithic mysteries of missing links
Between cotton fields and killing fields
These brothers need rebuilding
Whether they've burned out in cubicles
Or burned up on blocks
Whether they've been pushing pencils
Or pushing rocks
They done tried to go from capital to capitalist
But it wasn't enough action in their auction
So they been walkin' into prisons
Like roach motels
And the prison industrial complex
Done eliminated the division
Between slave quarters and cells
And look at him sitting there
Still thinking this is a white man's world
When his cell mate is white
And his cell mate is thinking if we could just
Get rid of these niggas
I could economically improve my trailer-park life
become a father to my children
And a husband to my wife
He has yet to figure
That he's just a flesh-colored nigga
Who can't even afford the luxury of being white
Both of them sitting there blaming each other
Living the same cell, Living the same life
Meanwhile the Net is destroying the minds of young men
The Net, Nigga Entertainment Television,
constantly broadcasting the crippling passions of the at-risk young population
showing videos and shows that make seventies blackXploitation films seem like the work of August Wilson
that's why I needed to have daughters
to give Ida B. Wells, Harriet Tubman and Queen Mother Moore
The opportunity to come back forward
I tell them he says he can't get past
"Her breast ... Her ass" but you gotta make 'em
take 'em under your wings make 'em rise
make 'em understand that the heaven between your thighs
can't compare to the salvation thats behind your eyes
revolutionary negotiation
He can't get wet if he can't get wise
remind him of the late nineteenth century and southern reconstruction
when black women made a pact not to touch him
if he wasn't about nothing, what happened then?
Brothers couldn't smoke ses on corners
Cause they were too busy smoking sessions in congress
But in this millennium the next could've been Malcolm X
Is somewhere taking a swig off of a 40 oz malt liquor
Called Black Death talking about "Damn that Billboard was right,
This shit here do put hair on a nigga's chest."
Tell 'em you ain't impressed.
He can go home and feel his own damn chest
If he can't take kids then he can't take sex.
Like Frederick Douglass "No Struggle. No Progress."
You can't process his request
Till he stops confusing his manhood with his baguettes
Tell him to tuck in his long-ass chains
And pull out some self-respect
Holdin' up street signs
Like somebody's paying him overtime
Grown-ass man gotta run like a bitch
Every time the police comes
And cause he calls himself a player
Now your son wants to be one
Tell him the cost of clowns in the community is buildin'
And our children simply can't afford it
Tell his backward ass to play the bottom
Till he's up and ready to come back forward!

Cleaning out my files

I was cleaning out my files on my word when I came across a bunch of my ramblings. Some of these suprised me when I read them.

Twisted and confused
In a fetus position I lay
My temper infused
I think of how far I came
Could it be that I was robbed
Robbed of my youth
Like a thief in the night
You came within sight
Told me a lie
Then ran off with my life
There you left me
Twisted and confused
In the fetus position I stayed

Damn the heavens
Damn the hell
All I wanted was to be even
Instead I failed
I fought the fight
To be the same in your sight
I wanted prove my worth
Instead you pained my wrath
Laying in agony on my mat
I set out for my flat
I knew I would die
For I never told I lie
The child I bore
Was yours for sure
Instead you turned your back
And told me to see a quack
Now I am walking the last mile
Leaving this world with a smile
I came to terms with the facts
At least I learned how to act

Insecurities transferrance

Huh? No kidding. I was sitting here thinking to myself what to name this post and this word popped up. I noticed lately that I am making people do the above mentioned deed unto me. Life hasn't being easy for me but it hasn't being hard either Alhamdullilah. I always seemed to be content with what I have and never desired what I didn't have. I always did what was asked of me, sometimes above and beyond. My weapon of choice to combat life? A good heart and giggles. So whats the deal?

I decided I wanted to change my life. I wanted to do something for me. To wake up each morning knowing its a day of my own making. Needless to say the news didn't go over well. I was blackballed. At first I was morose. I couldn't get myself out of bed for a few days. I kept crying into my pillow. I was so sad that I made myself sick to the point of being driven to the emergency room. I prayed and fasted and Alhamdullilah I got better. As soon as I got better the transferrance begun. People started blaming me for their insecurities. One for lack of financial power, one for lack of vision, one for lack of self-esteem. Just because I decided to shut everyone out during my trying times doesn't mean that as soon as I am smiling again,its time to bring on the stress. Give me some space and time. I am still reeling from the blows life dealt me.

Mind you, the reason for me shutting people out is not out of malice but because I saw that for the first time everyone wanted me to live their version of "my life". It was a rude awakening and I was ill prepared for it. The only people who were truly happy and supportive of me were a couple relatives and my closest friends/allies. I am truly blessed to have them in my life. If it were not for them and off course Allah, I probably wouldn't be typing right now.

Love lies in the Brain

I was picking up my MRI scans from the ED but was told to wait while they were transferred to a CD. I went into the waiting room, which was empty, and sat down. A National Geographica magazine peeking out from under a bunch of women's magazine caught my eye. It was an old issue. The cover boldly screamed love. Amused and interested as to what National Geographic would have to say about love I turned the pages. Here is an excerpt:

In the Western world we have for centuries
concocted poems and stories and plays about the cycles of love, the way it morphs and changes over time, the way passion grabs us by our flung-back throats and then leaves us for something saner. If Dracula—the frail woman, the sensuality of submission—reflects how we understand the passion of early romance, the Flintstones reflects our experiences of long-term love: All is gravel and somewhat silly, the song so familiar you can't stop singing it, and when you do, the emptiness is almost unbearable.
We have relied on stories to explain the complexities of love, tales of jealous gods and arrows. Now, however, these stories—so much a part of every civilization—may be changing as science steps in to explain what we have always felt to be myth, to be magic. For the first time, new research has begun to illuminate where love lies in the brain, the particulars of its chemical components. Anthropologist Helen Fisher may be the closest we've ever come to having a doyenne of desire. At 60 she exudes a sexy confidence, with corn-colored hair, soft as floss, and a willowy build. A professor at Rutgers University, she lives in New York City, her book-lined apartment near Central Park, with its green trees fluffed out in the summer season, its paths crowded with couples holding hands. Fisher has devoted much of her career to studying the biochemical pathways of love in all its manifestations: lust, romance, attachment, the way they wax and wane. One leg casually crossed over the other, ice clinking in her glass, she speaks with appealing frankness, discussing the ups and downs of love the way most people talk about real estate. "A woman unconsciously uses orgasms as a way of
deciding whether or not a man is good for her. If he's impatient and rough, and
she doesn't have the orgasm, she may instinctively feel he's less likely to be a
good husband and father. Scientists think the fickle female orgasm may have
evolved to help women distinguish Mr. Right from Mr. Wrong."
One of
Fisher's central pursuits in the past decade has been looking at love, quite
literally, with the aid of an MRI machine.
Fisher and her colleagues Arthur Aron
and Lucy Brown recruited subjects who had been "madly in love" for an average of
seven months. Once inside the MRI machine, subjects were shown two photographs,
one neutral, the other of their loved one. What Fisher saw fascinated her.
When each subject looked at his or her loved one, the parts of the brain linked
to reward and pleasure—the ventral tegmental area and the caudate nucleus—lit
up. What excited Fisher most was not so much finding a location, an address, for
love as tracing its specific chemical pathways. Love lights up the caudate
nucleus because it is home to a dense spread of receptors for a neurotransmitter
called dopamine, which Fisher came to think of as part of our own endogenous
love potion.
In the right proportions, dopamine creates intense energy,
exhilaration, focused attention, and motivation to win rewards. It is why, when
you are newly in love, you can stay up all night, watch the sun rise, run a
race, ski fast down a slope ordinarily too steep for your skill. Love makes you
bold, makes you bright, makes you run real risks, which you sometimes survive,
and sometimes you don't..............

The rest of the article goes ahead and expounds on the evidence found. They examined how anti-depressants factored into divorce rates. It was an excellent read but since it was an old issue, you would either have to be a collector or be a member of the website to get access.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Whats your beef?

I listen to this talk show every morning on my commute to work. The theme on Wednesdays is always whats your beef?. People basically call in and vent. Now I got to admit that some things that people vent about are absurd but some of things are justified. This evening I got into it with someone and it made me want to call into the show and tell them what my beef was but you know what? I remembered my blog is my platform, my stage, my journal, my sounding board. So ladies and gents, here is my beef.

As a child and as a grown up, there are moments in a parent-child relationship that are strained. Moments like these are tense and usually made worse by emotional outburst that hurt both parties. Confined in the family, I usually think its healthy, but sometimes it gets overwhelming and these situations tend to nip at your heels at your school/work/friend/love etc.So what to do? You talk to your confidante,your compadre,your amiga/amigo. You cry, you vent, you curse, you yell, you promise never to cry again then you cry some more, you wish you had diff parents (at times) etc. I think y'all understand exactly where I'm headed. What does the other party listening to you do? Do they listen and nod in agreement? Do they shake their head and tut tut about your display? Or Worse join you in cursing and yelling?

Now thats my beef!!! I don't care who you are or what you are. My family are mine alone to bash. I have earned the right to bitch and moan about them in every which way I please because they are la familia,comprende? I don't appreciate it when a person, I'm in a close relationship with, does the bashing with me. HELLO! who are you to be talking about my momma like that? my papi like that? my frere like that? I am very,very,very,very,very,very,very,very.............(have I stressed that enough?) protective about my family. When everyone else is gone there are the ones who will be there no matter what. Remember the saying friends are forever but family is for life or something similar. Anyway I just think that is a line friends and anyone else in my life shouldn't cross. You should declare from now henceforth Thou shall not family bash with me.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Taalam Acey in Town

For those who live in Minneapolis I would recommend to catch this cat's show this Friday. The unfortunate part of the whole thing is his show is at a bar (Spirell Bar). Show starts @ 7 pm, doors open at 6. I believe tickets at the door cost 15 bucks but advance cost $3 less.

Oh jeez, I didn't even introduce him, Duh! Taalam Acey, not to sound like his groupie,is the most famous spoken word artist out there. He has toured and lectured, not to mention educated on spoken word, both domestically and internationally. He does venues in select cities and usually is prominently featured on campuses. As a spoken word fan, I own a couple of his cds, my favourite being 'pieces of change'.Most of you might be shocked with the work I chose to highlight. Taalam's style is different. He uses erotica to capture attention and draw it to whats important.

PS:- Anyone go watch Chris Tucker when he was in town last weekend?

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Its being a year!!!!

Lawd. Its being a year since I started this blog. Funny how time flies. I am usually a phase person. I am excited about something for a short period of time. Come to think of it maybe its an attention span problem. I am just glad this one stuck for a year and hopefully I will stick it out for another year.

What being going on with me. Well folks I finally went in to see the doc. I have a CT scan scheduled inshallah and will hopefully get a clean bill of health alongside my bill from the hospital. I also got accepted into a program I wanted since I was a child in UK. I was excited at first till it hit me that i have to come up with funding for the school in about four weeks. I can't do that. Its impossible. I have being online the past four nights googling under all keywords for funding for Us citizens education in UK. I am sad to say for my particular situation there isn't one i can pull out of the hat in four weeks. I am devastated that I will probably have to decline the offer and live a miserable life in a freaking pharmacy. So folks, be generous with tips and advise for me. Especially you UK lot. Is there a loop I can't see that perhaps someone out there knows. I would be eternally grateful to whomever and whatever I can scrounge up to pursue my life long dream.