A tear dropped from her eyes as she kept staring ahead of her. Filsan willed for the memories to stop flooding her vision. She willed for them to go back to whence they came from. She moved her fingers to the volume wheel blasting the music to full capacity.......drowning in the words of Mary J Blige. Her face felt hot and flushed as she pushed her body to work extra hard. Words started reverbating in her mind:
If we had anything it wouldn't come to this
When you are ready to get married let me know cause something tells me you are not ready
U ain't happy with anything, What are you happy with?
You have your own agenda. Don't poison any of them against me!!
I don't want to ever talk to you as long as I live.
You are selfish and conceited.
You will not amount to anything in this world.
You think you are smarter than everyone but you are anything but.
You are fake
I want all of you or nothing
You made my life a living hell...................................
On and on they kept spinning. Pretty soon Filsan's body was racked with sobs as she let out all the emotions corked up in her body. She quickly jumped off the treadmill and run to the locker room. The world was swimming in an ocean of her tears as she locked the door to the bathroom. She sat down on the toilet seat and put her hand to her mouth as she tried to stifle the pathetic hiccupy sobs that had taken over her earlier sobs. With each breath the tears kept increasing. Filsan wanted to die. She wanted to lay her head on the cold linoleum floor and beg God for deliverance from the demons that haunt her. Filsan finally just gave in!