Sunday, November 20, 2005

Tribute to my father

Abo I have much to say to you. Last time I saw you tears were streaming down that weather-beaten, kind face of yours. You asked for my forgiveness and told me to take care of everyone. I didn't understand why you were leaving me. I didn't understand what I did to make you run. All I knew was that I was alone in this world.

Since then I shut you out of my life. When you made contact I refused to feel again. I fought with the whys and what ifs. I had to be strong when the others were around, but all alone in my bed I cried myself to sleep. I hated you and I never wanted to see you again. I blamed you everytime hooyo screamed at the children and I cussed at the world for being cruel. Why me? Why them? Why her? Why us?

Now I have come to understand that your deeds were for your survival. If you hadn't left I am told that you would have died. I pray that you are well. I pray that you found peace wherever you might be. I also pray that you know deep in your heart that we all still love you. You are our father and our rock. When I fell, you were there to pick me up and send me on my way with whispers of encouragement. You have equipped me well for this life and for that I want to thank you. I want you to know that I will take care of the family as much as I can. I will take your place at the hilt of this ship and steer it to calmer seas. All I want is for time to rewind and for me to take back the hurtful things I said to you. I want time to rewind for me to wipe the tears off your face and send you off with a kiss and a hug. Alas I can't and all I am left with is regrets. Be well my darling father and rest easy for your daughter is right back where she belongs;by your side.

3 comments:

Lone Dreamer said...

Oh thats so sad. Reminds me of my father. How I wish things were different!

No50 said...

That was heavy, but very beautiful. Your father is a lucky man for having you as his babygirl.

Abu Sinan said...

Very nice post. I had a rocky relationship with my father. We made up a bit, after he died. Some things will never be able to said, many things said that shouldnt have been. It is a hard situation.