Monday, December 11, 2006

Mixed Union

My friend is getting married this December. Its been close to a decade since she met her husband to be and now after all the struggles they are getting married. She will not have any family at the wedding because her mother is against the wedding and its out of the country. When she told me I felt bad for her because a wedding is a joyous occasion to share with all those you love. She will be with her husband's family but no one she can call her own. I will be traveling towards that area so I meaning to suprise her and come to her wedding. Its in Addis-Ababa. I don't even know how I will get there but she is a friend and a sister and least I can do is fly a few hundred miles and see her through the greatest step in her life.

I was thinking about her mother's objection to the wedding. It used to be she needed to finish school but she is done and still the objection remains. Could it be because the guy is half Ethiopian-half Italian? Could it be a discriminatory objection? Would my mother object if I did the same thing? I love my mother but I would like to think if I chose a husband and he was a God fearing muslim she would accept him. Is there something in the older generation that makes them think that mates should be from within their own race? As transportation gets easier and people move from place to place its getting more common for men and women to find mates from other races. Yet, in somalis there is not much conformation to this thought. In my family alone I have had cuzzins, grandpa and aunties who married white people. They have never being accepted by our extended family but in our house they found refuge. I remember the guy who married my cuz even came to my grandma's funeral at our house, even though his marriage had being destroyed by all the talk within in the family. I remember him wearing a khamis and giving hugs to us and telling us sorry. Instead of accepting his condolences the extended family kept asking what the hell he was doing there. I felt so ashamed and made it an effort to keep him a company during his visit.

Its unfortunate that we get caught up in our differences instead of our similarities. There are Mashallah plenty of great somali guys out there but if Allah places a brother (from another race) in your path who seems to meet all the criteria shouldn't you then say Alhamdullilah and accept him? Shouldn't your family be happy that you found a person to complete your deen with? I also noticed a trend that many woman prefer reverts as husbands because they tend to be more steadfast in their faith.


Om said...

Indeed, it should be an occasion for her to celebrate, but the old mindset is still very much prevalent amongst many cultures, Somali being one of them. The only thing every Muslim parents should be concerned about is their children finding a good Muslim/Muslimah in a soul mate. The unfortunate thing is that many, if not most Muslims around the world put "culture/tradition" before Islam. I've heard Pakistani parents abducting and torturing their daughters for wanting to marry an "Indian" Muslim man. That's how awful Muslim practices around the world are and that's why the West keeps judging us - I think they see this sort of stupidity among Muslims that they keep making fun of us all the time. Maybe they're right sometimes.

NonChalante said...

The Somali culture is such a strong one, that Somalis have a hard time accepting some one from another tribe/clan let alone someone from a completely different culture/race. Insha'Allah your friends family will one day grow to learn that it doesn't matter what colour skin you have, so long as your mate is muslim.
Very noble thing of you to do however to go out there and to try to be there for her on her most important day.

Lone Dreamer said...

That is so sad. Good on you for trying to be there for your friend - truly that is what friendship is all about.

SleepDepraved said...

Thanks y'all. I feel I should air my grievances even though I am 100% behind her. She hasn't seen the dude in close to 8 years. I feel like she should get reacquinted with him when she gets back before she ties the knot. I feel awful even thinking that but things are diff when you ave lived apart from each other for so long. She is so excited that I am coming though.

TheAdvocates said...

OK, SD. Whatever I wanted to say is gone once I heard 'Kata, mwanangu kata, kata usiogope, hebu leo...' :D. Got me jolly, really.

PS: sleep more, SD.

Idil said...

aww thats so sad!!! my mom said like u said if he was a god fearing muslim then my mom wouldn't have a problem

also my mom says on a plus side if hes white/arabic i got some nice lookin kids with nice hair

i know totally not the point but oh well