Wednesday, May 05, 2010

The bond we forged

I was looking for a few papers for my mother the other day that required me to go digging into the family archive. As I sifted through boxes I came across memories of bygone days. Memories of moments treasured forever in my heart.

When I was young I used to hear the adage that girls marry men like their fathers. I used to want to marry a man like my father. A gentle man who encouraged me and nurtured me. A man who taught me to stand for what I believe in no matter what. A man who sat me on his lap each afternoon to work on crosswords puzzles, who on a trip together struggled with a comb and hair band to make me look decent (which I didn't) and one who always stood up for me.

There are many things I regret in my life. My decision to isolate myself from my father might be a costly one that I will probably regret for a long time coming. Somethings once said cannot be taken back and somethings once done can never be undone. We live with these decisions and their consequences day in and day out but one thing is for sure, no one can love me like my father and no one can ever take his place in my heart. I hope, inshallah, to one day find a way to bridge the rift that has opened up between us and till then I find comfort in this song.

Your Joy by Chrisette Michele
Walked down the sidewalk
Starin' at your feet
Wishin' my steps were longer
So by your sides I could keep

Hold your hand much bigger
Never wanted mine to grow
So I could always feel perfect
Inside your palms just so

No one loves me just like you do
No one knows me just like you do
No one can compare
To the way my eyes fit in yours

You'll always be my father
And I'll always be your joy

Laid me on your belly
Nights when mama wasn't home
Lightning had made me shiver
And you never let me feel alone

I tried to match your breathing
Beating my little heart against yours
Perfect were the nights, we were sleepin'
I never wanna end what we are

'Cause no one loves me just like you do
And no one knows me just like you do
No one can compare
To the way my eyes fit in yours

You'll always be my father
And I'll always be your joy

One day he'll come on bended knee
And ask my love away from thee
And when I give my love to him
He'll always have a place within

One day he'll come on bended knee
And ask my love away from thee
And when I give my love to him
He'll always have a place within

No one loves me just like you do
No one knows me just like you do
No one can compare
To the way my eyes fit in yours

You'll always be my father
And I'll always be your joy



6 comments:

Om said...

SD,

I vaguelly remember a similar post last year where you referenced a similar situation with your brother. I hope one of these days you'll share with us what this is all about.

SleepDepraved said...

Om,

My parents are split up and during the divorce I took sides (which I shouldn't have). As for my bro he is a black sheep in our own dysfunctional way we correspond.

Every family has its oddity I guess.

原秋 said...

TAHNKS FOR YOUR SHARING~~~VERY NICE ........................................

Om said...

Ah, I now understand:(

wasmaniac said...

its never too late to make up... and although it might never be the same again, u might feel much better if u tried and failed than if u never tried...

SleepDepraved said...

Wasmaniac thanks for the advice. Where have you been lately anyway?