Passage of Life

Khadija walked into the house from the class pissed due to the amount of homework she was laden with. Taking off her sneakers she made her way to the kitchen. No one was home by the looks of the empty burners. Opening the fridge she weighed her nutrional options. She could go for the left over lasagna, frozen fries or make an omelette. She instead reached for the ice cream bucket, milk and strawberries. Blending them together with strawberry syrup she left the dirty dishes in the sink and made her way to her room. Khadija eagerly turned on the computer and as she waited for it to boot up she took off her hijab infront of the mirror. She looked at the image staring back at her. There stood a 5 foot 5 inches woman with baby having hips and endowed chest & back wise. She glimpsed the rolls of fat hanging around her belly and turned away disgusted. She was fat just like everyone told her and should probably start working out. She looked at the glass of milkshake she just mixed and decided to put off her diet and workout for another day. She deserved this treat after the day she had.


The chime and pop ups of the messages on her IM let her know she was ready to go. She sat herself in her chair and proceeded to look at the list of people online. Going down the names in her Yahoo, MSN and AOL she didn't see who she was looking for. Starting up Paltalk she held her breath as she clicked the pop-ups closed. There he was; CheekyNSneaky. She hurried to type her hello and waited for a reply. After 10 mins when there wasn't a reply she tried to say something else and found out that she was unable to send any message to the person. She was blocked! Khadija's heart broke into pieces as her world fell apart. She sat there staring at the computer numbly unable to process what just happened.


Today was supposed to be a special day. CheekyNSneaky and her were supposed to meet up after months of chatting online. He was everything she ever dreamed of. He was handsome, smart, understanding and had a great sense of humour. He looked past the artifical layer and saw the beautiful swan in her. This had done wonders in boosting her self esteem and she loved him for it. She had dressed in her most figure enhancing outfit, had a pedicure, manicure and matched from her hijab to her black open toed sandals. Khadija was excited as she had parked infront of Caribou. She peered into the cafe but didn't see any somali male in there. She reassured herself that she was probably early and he was probably on CPT (Colored People's Time). She grabbed her purse and book and made her way into the store. Ordering Cafe Au Lait she picked a spot where she could see who walked in and still pretend to be engrossed in her book. For a few minutes she was nervous as she watched the minute hand make its rotation. This was silly something must have happened. Khadija finally to ally her fears picked her book and started reading it in earnest. At about half past the meeting hour a somali man walked in. He didn't look anything like the picture of CheekyNSneaky. He made his way to the counter and ordered his drink. While he was waiting he kept sneaking looks at Khadija. Thinking back now Khadija was pretty sure he was evaluating her. When his order was ready he walked out. After another 15 mins Khadija got up herself and disappointedly drove to her class.


Now Khadija got up from infront of her computer and sat on her bed. Tears started forming in her eyes and she brushed them aside. How could he? Was the man who walked in his friend who had negatively appraised her? Was it her weight? Was she not beautiful? He has seen her pic before and he had remarked that he didn't care for looks and what was inside was beautiful in his eyes. Khadija braced her knees to her body as she experienced what only some know as heartbreak. She vowed what many women before her have vowed; never to fall for the false charms of men anymore. Khadija now was an emotionally mature woman forever marked with this experience.