Insecurities transferrance

Huh? No kidding. I was sitting here thinking to myself what to name this post and this word popped up. I noticed lately that I am making people do the above mentioned deed unto me. Life hasn't being easy for me but it hasn't being hard either Alhamdullilah. I always seemed to be content with what I have and never desired what I didn't have. I always did what was asked of me, sometimes above and beyond. My weapon of choice to combat life? A good heart and giggles. So whats the deal?

I decided I wanted to change my life. I wanted to do something for me. To wake up each morning knowing its a day of my own making. Needless to say the news didn't go over well. I was blackballed. At first I was morose. I couldn't get myself out of bed for a few days. I kept crying into my pillow. I was so sad that I made myself sick to the point of being driven to the emergency room. I prayed and fasted and Alhamdullilah I got better. As soon as I got better the transferrance begun. People started blaming me for their insecurities. One for lack of financial power, one for lack of vision, one for lack of self-esteem. Just because I decided to shut everyone out during my trying times doesn't mean that as soon as I am smiling again,its time to bring on the stress. Give me some space and time. I am still reeling from the blows life dealt me.

Mind you, the reason for me shutting people out is not out of malice but because I saw that for the first time everyone wanted me to live their version of "my life". It was a rude awakening and I was ill prepared for it. The only people who were truly happy and supportive of me were a couple relatives and my closest friends/allies. I am truly blessed to have them in my life. If it were not for them and off course Allah, I probably wouldn't be typing right now.