Port Douglas-Down Under

Hi Folks,

Wondering where I am at the moment? I am in Queensland, Australia. Port Douglas to be exact. Its hot and humid and my skin is so oily that I probably shine brighter than the ocean surface. Tommorrow I will be leaving for Melbourne and hopefully be out and about for New Years Eve.
Will write more and add pics as I get the opportunity. Toddles for now cause I have to get some lunch.

Love,

SleepDepraved

Let the Hype Begin

The Playoffs haven't begun but here goes the media, and guess what? I will join them. This week is going to have the most interesting match-ups to watch:NE patriots vs Indianapolis Colts. I haven't had much chance to watch colts in action this season, mainly because I don't have any love for them. I have watched NE patriots though. This team has one of the best records in the NFL right now. They average about 44 points per game (my approximate) and haven't lost yet. Brady (QB) and his offensive line have stepped up their game and its showing. I am going to be sitting down to watch this game live cause it would be interesting to see what strategies the coaches use against each other. Rattle Brady, match up the weakest offensive with your best defense, remove the long plays from Peyton.............seriously there are great speculation as to what each team will use to dismantle its opponent. Personally I just want to enjoy good ol' football and don't fancy either team, but I wouldn't mind the Patriots coming out of this as victors. Did you see the Sunday game when they blew past their opponent with about 50+ point?

On the other hand whats with the Viks and not using Adrian Peterson? I wrote a post about him when he was in OU and was ecstatic when he got drafted by the Viks, but they are not utilizing this guy. He is absolutely greaaaaaaaaaaaaat. Why do the bench him on some plays? Everytime I see him on the sideline I get upset. Get it together Vikings!!! I want us to be in the playoffs this year. Please :)

Eugenics in the Media

Of all people I would expect a comment underlying eugenics to come from, I was most shocked that it came from James Watson. Even if you have taken just general biology courses the name should light a bulb in your head. James Watson is the same guy who came up with the double helix structure. Let me not fail to mention that he did this in partnership with Crick. Anyway, the guy was on a book tour and he made a comment to Sunday Times stating he was

“inherently gloomy about the prospect of Africa” because “all our social policies are based on the fact that their intelligence is the same as ours - whereas all the testing says not really"

He is not the first scientist who has used science to support eugenics. A few years ago a book "the bell curve"was published that discussed intelligence and genetics. Its funny how people forget that the bed of civilization was never in the West but rather in the dark continent. How does race and genes translate to intelligence? Where is the proof in that? Doesn't the burden of proof lie on the one who opens their mouth? Why doesn't Watson and any other scientist out there provide duplicable proof that intelligence lies with the lightness of your skin? Absolutely disgusting that this great figure can say that but I am glad that they suspended him from his job. He needs time to reflect on his actions.

What was worse is that I asked on campus the day the news broke and no one knew what I was talking about. It further supports the fact that American students are not concerned with what happens globally or even nationally. Where are placards? The editorials? If this is the generation that is going to invoke a change then I am ashamed to be counted among its members. I don't even think I saw a statement by the NAACP in regards to the Watson comment. I guess no one cares huh?

The End is near.

I am somehow here writing about the end of Ramadhan. Most of you will agree with me that it has flown by unnoticed. I noticed. This is the first Ramadhan that I have been tired and worn out. At times, even sujuuding during Taraweh seemed to frighten my knees. I am not sure if its age making its claim on my body or my body screaming that it needs nourishment. Alaayeta3al, its almost done right? Nope.

Last week as I looked at my calender, I started getting my ducks in a row. Eid was near and I had to get certain things done. Shopping was at the top of the list. Don't you hate shopping in crowds? I do, I detest it with a passion. This year I was going to do things differently. I took my sisters shopping 1 & 1/2 weeks before Eid. Just in time to get the new shipment of skirts and easy pickings. Each of them has three outfits and an abaya for prayers. Magda, the Egyptian abaya lady, knows me from my abayas. I don't get my abayas from her. Since going to Egypt I bought a ton of them plus I have a source who sends them to me once in a while. This year, she asked if I had my abaya ready and I said no.

She smiled and went on to talk with my sisters regarding who fasted the most. My youngest sibling won that contest and got a huge hug from Magda. I knew she was helping me in putting positive reinforcements that fasting is a wonderful thing to do as muslims, and I loved Magda for that. I looked left and right at the abayas and I knew at the mosque every somali would be donning one. I choose a couple for my siblings and talked some more about Egypt with Magda. She wanted the number of the English speaking taxi driver who drove me around while I was in Egypt (did I ever tell you guys that story?)

I promised to text her the number and went home laden with shopping bags. That night I got a call from my mother. She had somehow gotten from Somalia to the Middle East. Knowing my obsession with abayas, she asked me if I wanted some. I yelled with glee and the volume increased when she told me she had already sent them ahead. I thought, Alhadullilah one thing less to worry about.

Then I remembered about Zakatul Fitr. I had to pay it this year and I didn't know if I had to do it for my siblings too since I was the taking care of them now. As I was mulling this over, one of my siblings came in to talk to me (this sibling we lovingly call sheikha). I told her what I was worried about and she waved it off telling me that my dad had taken care of it. Huh? I remembered that my dad had called at the beginning of Ramadhan to let me know that he was going for Umrah. Apparently at the time he told my sister he had paid for all our Zakat including my mom. Yeah, another one bites the dust!

I took my days off from work and I will be family hopping, giving hugs to extended families, giving money to lil kids and kicking back this Eid. I am excited that I probably pulled off the least nerve racking Eid ever. Alls left to do is make deserts for the house and coordinate prayer transportation.

Eid Mubarak to everyone. Spend time with your family and kiss/hug them to bits.Finally, I hope you all gathered your blessing of Ramadhan and continue in the spirit.

2nd Part of Ramadhan

Assalamu Aleikum Brothers and Sisters,

Did you know that Ramadhan is divided into three important parts. The first 1o days of Ramadhan bring Allah's mercy, the second 10 days bring Allah's forgiveness and the last 10 days bring emancipation from Hell fire. Since we are still within the last few days of the 2nd part of Ramadhan I wanted to explore the concept of forgiveness.

In the course of my life there are many things I have done. I am human and I err. I accept that flaw in myself for it is a human condition and we all suffer from it. A week ago I was discussing with my friend, the concept of forgiveness circulated among Muslims. Let me clarify this now, this concept seems to be prevalent in Muslims who have basic or general knowledge of Islam. Our discussion centered on the unforgiveables i.e shirk, zina and murder. This post will be an account of what was said and what I learnt from research.

One of Allah's attributes is Al-Ghaffar, The Forgiver. Why then when people talk of the unforgiveables most of them believe that these are acts that cannot be forgiven? Allah is the only one who knows what is forgiveable and what isn't. Furthermore he knows who he forgives and who he doesn't. Who are we to pass judgment on others by saying "So and so is going to hell." ? We are liking ourselves to knowing what Allah knows. One of my fondest hadeeths is one I kept bringing back in the discussion. In the hadeeth it is said that when a believer asks for forgiveness Allah comes running. That in my mind says that Allah will forgive anything as long as the repenter is sincere.

The requirements for forgiveness are simple. First, you have to be sincere in the intentions then, you give up and avoid the sin you are repenting. You are also supposed to regret the sin and sincerely resolve to not repeat it for Allah's sake and from the fear of punishment. Allah will turn your bad deeds into good deeds if following the repentance, the believer engages in righteous deed. The last condition is restoring people's rights and property if the sin involved wrongdoing unto others. All these conditions, it goes without saying, have to happen before death.

“The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace; Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful” [al-Furqaan 25:69-70]

The best time to ask for repentance, according to Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), is during the last 1/3 of the night. Allah is said to be in the lowest part of heaven, "Who will call upon Me so that I may answer him? Who will ask Me so that I may give to him? Who will seek My forgiveness so that I may forgive him?’” (Narrated by Muslim, no. 758).

So my dear brothers and sisters, use this time (second part of Ramadhan) and ask for forgiveness because Allah is Oft-Forgiving and more so during this Holy Month. He alone knows what sincerity lies in our hearts when we beg for forgiveness. Inshallah may we be protected from any sins we commit and be forgiven for any we have commited. Amin.

Making Manda

Ingredients:

• 4 cups of flour
• 4 tablespoons of oil
  
• 1 teaspoon of salt
• 2-3 cups of water

Procedure:

• Add the dry ingredients together in a bowl. (i.e flour and salt)
  
• Make a well in the middle and add the oil.
  
• Slowly incorporate the water while kneading the dough to achieve a consistency of "rolling off your fingers."

Note: Do not feel you have to use all 2-3 cups of water. Exercise judgement!

• Section the dough into balls.
  
• Take each ball and roll it like a "chapati/sabayad"
• Lubricating the top of the rolled out dough with oil (1-2 tablespoons) and a pinch of flour, stack another rolled out dough on top of it.
  
• Keep stacking till you have five stacks of dough.
  
• Roll out the stacked dough in a circular shape to fit the pan.
  
• Heat up pan till its hot to the touch.
  
• Lay the stacked dough on pan and watch for the dough to dry out. Careful not to let the dough brown.
  
• Dry out the other side of the stacked dough and remove from heat.
  
• Lay dough on counter top and cut dough into four quadrants of a circle.
  
• Carefully separate each dough from stack and lay separate to air out.
• Leave in bowl with towelette (to avoid drying) till ready to fold samosas.

Congratulations you have now made your own manda!

9/11

Today is six years since the twin towers went down and we still don't know the complete truth about the events of 9/11, but what we do know are the events after 9/11. General Patreaus today faced his second day of questioning in Washington,DC. Off course there were the usual grilling by the presidential candidates declaring the Iraq surge as a "foreign policy disaster", if we were slanted to Mr Obama. Amidst all this I found it amusing that the puppet that is in charge of Iraq was shoved into the spotlight. Mr Al Maliki was tainted by talks of him siding with the shias and falling short of expectations to bringing the country back to its feet. He is also said to be getting cozy with Iran. Really? I don't see how picking someone from one sect of Islam to lead a country torn by a civil war was supposed to be successful. To add oil to an already heated situation, US decides to arm some Sunni leaders in hopes of driving a wedge between Al Qaeda and Sunni leaders in Iraq. They call this the "Anbar model" since it was professed to work in Anbar province.


What exactly is US playing at? This is just a repeat of history. Afghanistan was armed to fight against the Russian by the US not that long ago. After Russia was defeated, the Taliban took over and gave refuge to all sorts of short men with beards. When Saddam was fighting against Iran, who did the US give arms to? Then Saddam committed genocide against the Kurds to which US turned a blind eye. Whenever US gets involved in a conflict, it never turns out well for the civilians who live in those areas. Arming sunnis against shias and expecting them to come to the negotiating table is preposterous. History has shown that there is no love lost between these two sects especially since Shias have lived under the thumb of Saddam Hussein for decades.


Everyday, Iraq people live events just like 9/11. Everyday, they see loved ones die for no other reason other than hatred. There is nothing the US can do to right the wrongs they have committed in this region but they can start by leaving the country to its citizens. Iraq used to be a metropolitan city like others in the region and given time the citizens will rebuild it. Leaders in the Arab world and the Muslim world should take a more active role in the rebuilding of Iraq. A country that is unstable is never good for the region and hence it would be beneficial for them to ensure the security and rebuilding of this once great nation.

Bridge Collapse.

Its been almost 18 hours since the freeway over the Mississippi river collapsed. I had just gotten off work at 6 pm and was making my way towards downtown Minneapolis when it happened. I was on 35W southbound and traffic was bumper to bumper when I decided to get off the East Hennepin Exit. No sooner had my car turned the corner when the first ambulance rushed by me sirens full blast. I found my way to University Ave hoping to cross over the 10th street bridge in a couple hops. Another ambulance rushed by me again this time I noticed it was a suburban ambulance. Traffic was bumper to bumper on University and I was getting antsy. I could almost see the BP sign over the cars but I knew it would be a wait. A firetruck barreled through the traffic wailing away as light flashed. Something was up. People seemed to be running towards the bridge next to the University Exit of 35W. The air was still except for the steady droning of helicopters. What are choppers doing out here? I tried to peer out my window as I snailed along the road. My heart lurched as I looked over the familiar hump that used to be 35W to the right of my car. There was nothing there. People were on their phones and all heading towards the site. I switched my radio to NPR and soon enough the broadcaster announced the collapse of the bridge. I could have been on that bridge if I hadn't gotten off at the exit before it. Reaching for my phone to call anyone, I noticed that none of my calls were going through. The airspace was clogged as another couple ambulances zoomed by me. The news pouring out of the radio was slow as preliminarily no one knew what happened. Pretty soon though the news was everywhere and there was talk of fatalities and about 50 cars being on the bridge at the time of collapse. That stretch of the freeway was under construction for the past month. What did they do to cause the collapse? Was it a terrorism act? Homeland security ruled that it wasn't a terrorist act. I got to my destination and sat in my car for a minute. I tried my cell again just as my sister's call came through. She frantically asked me if I was ok cause she said she saw my car in the river. I told her I was fine, I got off before the bridge. The rest of the evening I got calls from people who knew me and relatives wanting to make sure I was fine. I have to say I was impressed by the efficient way that the disaster was tackled by Minneapolis. Within an hour the police had to turn volunteers away. There were getting support from all corners of the metro from Roseville to St Paul. My sister works at HCMC Emergency Department and I knew it was going to be a rough night for her. 28-29 people were brought to HCMC, 30 to Fairview (closer to the site of the tragedy) and 9 to North Memorial. Most of the injuries seem to be fractures, head injuries, concurrent with a 40-60 ft drop. I am so proud of this city at the moment though I can't say I have much belief in their bridge system. Apparently there is talk that the bridge was deemed unsafe two years ago. I know lots of Somalis in the diaspora know one person or more who live in the Twin Cities, give them a call and make sure they are fine. There are two Somali males in HCMC at the moment who were on the bridge and there are still recovering bodies at site and will probably be doing so for a couple days. Pray for the souls of those who passed. Amin.

Youtube and politics

When the democratic debate was first aired I was off running errands and I missed it. Today, I had a chance to catch a rerun of it. CNN picked a couple dozen youtube questions and posed them to the candidates. It was interesting to note that even with the new format the candidates still dodged the questions with the best of them and used their pre-prepared answers. Yea I am against the war and I have done this and that to forward my agenda. Obaka and Clinton who I thought would wow me bored me with their cookie cutter answers. I am not sure what the youtube questions were supposed to do. Maybe the context of where and by whom the questions were asked was supposed to shake the composed demeanor of the candidates? Alas, the candidates were not shaken they just found a way to talk in circles and still smile balefully at the camera. I was impressed by Edwards and the way he handled himself, he was a pleasant surprise. What about the question asking Clinton how she would handle herself with Arabic and Islamic states that view women as second class citizens. I didn't see any candidate trying to correct that thinking by stating its not an Islamic belief that women are second class. Benazir Bhutto was a Pakistani Prime Minister and a woman at that. The question was posed by a guy in the US army (stationed in Japan). Yea some Arabic states have an inferior view of women but that should be distinguished from Islamic beliefs. Misconceptions that were further reinforced by Clinton answering the question without correcting it. I was positively disgusted. 9/17 I believe is the Republicans chance to answer Youtube questions so if you have something to ask the Republican candidates post your Q's on Youtube. I would definitely like to see questions regarding immigration restrictions and patriotic act among others.

Bang Bang Bang!

Everyone thought I had gone bonkers when I set out for my boss' farm in Wisconsin to go shooting. I had never shot a gun in my life, but for the past year I got interested in the sport. My boss offered to teach me if I wanted. Two weeks ago when I asked him when he was available for my first lesson he raised his eyebrows in surprise. Off course he had just called me an infidel to get a raise out of me, so maybe he was wary of my request. Anyway, Friday I stood on top of grassy knoll with a homemade target in-front of me. He walked me through gun safety till I automatically put the safety on everytime I stopped shotting and never had my finger on the trigger. My first shot was 2 & 1/2 inches from the center of my target. My hand shook as I steadied the .22 against my shoulder. The gunpowder smell wafted off from the opening where the spent shell popped out. My heart was beating frenziedly and my palms felt wet against the rifle butt. The next 14 shots were off the mark as I got more nervous. He reloaded the gun and told me to breath out as I squeezed the trigger. For the next 30 mins he coached me on targeting and as I got better with the home-made target, he moved me up to skeets. After a couple times missing the skeet entirely, he brought out the sig sauer. He walked me through loading the clip and placing my hands around it. He mentioned the fact it had a recoil that might throw me off but till I shot it I didn't realize how strong of a recoil he was talking about. My hand jerked back almost close to my face and my nervousness returned. I went through a couple rounds with the sig but it felt bulky in my tiny hands and I seemed to shoot lower than the target. I went back to the .22 and this time I shot the skeet accurately and my coach praised my good shot. For the next 20 mins we basically traded shots, him with the sig and I with the .22 . I got to say that I can see why people love shooting. It will take me a while to go to another practice trip but I definitely think I will be doing it till I get good at it. Why? I am not planning to be in a safe environment .i.e US after I graduate. Since, Inshallah I will be going back to Africa I want to be able to protect myself if I feel threatened. Idealistically, the situation should never arise but its better to be safe than sorry. I didn't like the feel of the sig but I could see myself with a walther PPK. Happy Shooting.

Shady Business Practices

I have a bug in my bonnet the last couple days and its over shady business practices. I decided I was going to write about my experience with this business as a warning for those who live in the Midwest area. It is a Somali owned travel agency. It is located in downtown Minneapolis around 9th street. My first brush with them was through a cousin of mine. We were catching up about life and I asked him when his wife was coming back to the US. At once he got angry and started about a travel agent he used to get his wife a round trip ticket from US to Kenya and back. On the day of her return flight, she was informed at the airport that there was no booking for her ticket. She had three days to get back before school opens for her children and her vacation time ran out. It was summer and most of the flights were booked solid. My poor cousin was livid to hear that the travel agency had taken payment from him but had not bothered to pay for the return portion of the ticket. Apparently they put a hold on a ticket and print out the itinerary for you. This hold is valid for a couple days I think and you leave thinking that you have everything sorted out. They don't make the payment in time and the ticket gets dropped and they have to scramble to find you another ticket. I sympathized with him because he spent his nights online looking for a return ticket for his wife.


Winter came and I had completely forgotten about my cousin and the travel agency. I got the opportunity to fly to visit my great grandma and grandma. I was so excited. My friend in North Carolina recommended his brother in Rochester. He was doing me a favor and hooking me up with what he thought would be a pleasant experience. I am all for putting money back in our community and making it flourish. I rarely eat at other places other than Arabic/Indian/Somali/Mexican, but I digress. Long story short I got shuffled from Rochester to Al-Amin travel in Minneapolis. I was on my wits end by that time because I had been given an itinerary four diff times. The trip was to be paid for by mom's business. At first they said fine and came by and took a photocopy of the card plus the ID of the business manager. Two days later they call me and say that Northwest don't take third party credit cards for passengers. What? Thats unlikely because I have bought tickets for people before and I never had a problem. So I called Northwest and they confirmed that if they didn't take third party credit cards they would have a hard time with parents shuffling the kids back for Christmas breaks and stuff. I called them back and told them what Northwest said, there was a mumble and then the stubborn somaliness reared its head. Before I lost my temper, I just asked him how much the ticket went up since this whole thing started. From $1600 to $2100. I bit back a curse that was fighting its way up my throat. I told him I would be by to pick up my tickets and would bring cash. Nearly in tears due to frustrations, I called my cousin and while he calmed me down he listened to me. He asked me the agency's name and I told him. I laughed! "Didn't I tell you my experience and here you are doing the same thing." I was confused at first then I remembered his problem last summer. I could have hit my head on the steering wheel. There was nothing to do now, because there ere less weeks left in my vacation and my grand-ma was waiting. I got the cash and went to the agency. Hands akimbo, I asked him to verify every flight of mine right then and there. For the international flight I got paper tickets for departure but not arrival. He explained that on my flight back Kenya Airway will provide the return tickets. I gave him my "I don't take BS and if you screw me over, you wish you had died" look. Leaning over the table and place my fingers on them, I told him I didn't want to have problems on my way back otherwise they will have more than they have bargained for. He got up and went to get me the tickets only to come back to say the printer is broken and can I come back later to pick them up. Do I look like I don't have anything better to do? Can you drop them off at my moms? Sure. I had barely taken two steps outside when my cell rang and my mom was pissed cause I used this travel agency when I could have used hers. I told her I didn't have any control they shuffled me from Rochester to here. She said she ran into the owner and he told her about me and my flight times.

Fast forward now. My brother in law is in the same predicament. I really could care less but its my sister who is suffering. He is supposed to be back from Somalia yesterday but they screwed up his tickets. I called the agency to ask them if there was something they could do. The guy was rude to me purporting that he couldn't divulge any passenger information to me. I wasn't asking for his stupid information. You have him on leash and you seem to be playing games. You are upsetting my sister and in turn in upsets me. If she calls you is there any way you can help her? The same stupid answer. He knew who I was. He knew who I was calling about. Something sparked in my memory. I remembered how my mom found out I was using his travel agency. "You didn't seem to be so concerned about that when you told my mom about my flights last winter.How come the double standard?" He kept silent then told me if I have a problem to call my brother in law. By that time I was seeing red. My sister keeps asking me everyday if there is something I can do. That in it of itself is another drama but all experiences with this agency seem to reinforce the idea that some people are not there to provide a service for their community but rather are there to take advantage of them. I asked around and there are many bad things said about their business practices yet I have never seen a review against them. They have the perfect location to look decent and legit but there is no doubt in my mind that this is a shady operation at best. I am sure if Northwest knew they said that about their business they would have something to say about that. Don't let this happen to you. I have decided when it comes to traveling I am sticking to my online sources.

The End of HP

I finally emerged from under the covers of my copy of Harry Potter yesterday morning. I was wondering when I will be done with the book since I never got any luxury time during the whole weekend. I passed the book to my younger sister and she seems to have burrowed her head deeper than I did in the book. Anyway unlike many Harry Potter fans I read two versions of the Deathly Hallows and I dare say I like the unreleased version. My theory is that it was leaked from the publishers while it was going through its first edit. My proof? Parenthesized notes under certain chapters with the suggestions.

The first edit seems to be more action packed than the book itself. Harry seems to be a rogue and it worked on him and he also displayed human-like qualities like finally letting Ginny into his life instead of playing the noble prat. The order of the Phoenix weren't killed in obscure deaths either but were given the spotlight when their time came and finally Harry was the one who killed Snape (deservedly so). Anyway, I told my friend I would print her a couple pages and if she was interested she can read this book too. The night of the book release I went with her to Barnes and Noble at midnight, her to pick up her reserved copy and I just needed some coffee and an excuse to get out of my house. I couldn't believe the place was that packed. The people who had reserved their books had to get wrist bands and wait for some guy standing on a table with a bull horn to call their number out. The others who didn't reserve books had to wait until the first batch had gotten their books. I drank my coffee bemused at this whole circus knowing I will pick up my reserved copy sometime in the afternoon tomorrow when the rush had died down. Needless to say I met and saw some characters while I waited for my friend to get her book. When #447 was called I sighed with relief and walked toward the exit, my friend clutching her book to her chest like it would run away.

Potter Mania.

I confess I am a POTTER HEAD. July 11th has been marked on my calender for close to a year and sure enough on July 9th I was weighing options on if I should buy my tickets early. I worked during the day and at 5:30pm I was on pins and needles. I picked up my cuzs and a friend as we drove to the IMAX theatre in AppleValley. We got there an hour early and as we approached the entrance I noticed a sign posted "SOLD OUT". My mouth agape, I turned to my friend and admonished her for considering me daft when I suggested to buy tickets on Monday. We drove back towards our regular movie house and got into a show that was pretty much packed with adults rather than kids. The movie was brilliant I tell ya! It started out slow but it got exciting as my butt got numb. Definitely go check it out at your local movie house and bring the kiddies with you if you feel self conscious. Next Saturday the last book comes out. I will Inshallah be posting my version of the last page which is professed to be 300 words long and ending with the word scar. If you are a POTTER HEAD, join me in welcoming the finale the HARRY POTTER by taking the challenge. Write your version of the last page of the HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY GALLOWS, leave a message on my page and I will be thrilled to read it.

4th July

So 4th of July was preplanned for me. I had errands to run in the morning and in the evening I was going to take the kids to Valleyfair. Its sort of a ritual for me because I get to spend some time with them without getting a sore voice. Last year I forewent the ritual because a week later I was taking them to Six Flags. Anywho, the gang and I pack lunch and drinks for the trip. I took my camera cause my cuzs from Sweden were visiting and I wanted to chronicle their time in the US. Since its been a couple years, I didn't have a clear picture of what I would see, but nothing could prepare me for that day. From the ticket booth to inside the park I saw a bunch of loitering somalis. Young boys who did nothing but stare at people entering. They even tried to hustle me by offering me a discount for a bit of money. Next was the amount of young girls walking around in skimpy outfits with guys hanging on their arms. A decade ago when I moved to MN, I went to valleyfair annually. The atmosphere was different then. You saw proper young ladies with their family dressed decently. Now, instead of family it was boyfriends. As I was standing in line with my siblings, I looked across the queue and noticed a group of rowdy somali guys and girls. Next to us were two African American women. They looked at the group then looked at us, then back at the loud talking group. One of them started a sentence, "I thought they were supposed to be dressed **mumble mumble**." She had noticed me looking at her. She smiled at me and turned towards her friend. I could feel my face getting red but I wasn't entirely sure if I was mad at the group of somalis or at the expectation to be the same.

I normally don't care what other do or wear but lately I get irritated at the direction our youth seems to be taking. I have to check my sister's attire as they step out the door. No jeans , no revealing, plunging neckline and no tight clothing. Is decency a lost art or am I old fashioned? Whatever the case, I have gotten into the habit of keeping my siblings away from the "dhocil" generation and I would rather they stay home and keep each other company!

Progression into Depression

Priya stood by the glassy lake and watched her breath cloud up into the air. There was no wind tonight and the moon was non-existent, casting the surroundings in shadows. For a stranger this scene would be foreboding, but for Priya it was comforting. She knelt down by the lake's edge and touched its chilly surface with her fingers. Her eyes followed the ripples as they extended outwards. The circles got bigger and bigger till they disappeared into the blackness of the night. Priya wasn't here by choice, at least not by personal choice. She was here because circumstances mitigated by fate lead her here. It lead her to the scene of the suicide. She recalled the red rimmed eyes and the hiccupy cries. She recalled the hastened footfalls and the whispered nuances. She recalled the cold, soft sheets and the stark walls, but most of all she recalled the heartache and the pain. Priya reached into her back-pack and drew out an object. Her long fingers caressed it as she hummed a tune. It was eerie considering the time of night but Priya knew she was alone. She nimbly stepped into the lake, shocking her body with the cold temperature. The water made its way up her body as she progressed towards the center of the lake. The water lapped at her thighs, then her hands, then her waist and slowly reached her chest. Priya started gasping for air. The cold was slowly seeping into her body and then the tremors begun. She had to be careful. Priya looked around her surroundings. Yes, this was the place. She closed her eyes and said a silent prayer. She lifted the object unto the surface of the lake and laid it there to float. It was beautiful. Its pristine hue contrasted sharply with the black surface of the lake. This was the day and the place of her death, and Priya's heart grieved once more for her best friend, Sonia. Priya turned around to head for shore and as her feet found the gravel, she turned back to watch the white rose bob in and out of the water.

Comfort Creature

For the past five years I have been looking for shoes that don't make my feet ache. I don't have a cushy job where I sit on my butt all day (no offence). Working in the hospital and in the pharmacy, I tried every kind of shoe to get rid of the discomfort. I even tried Dr. Scholls inserts but they give temporary relief. This cute shoe on the right seems to have great reviews. Apparently with the weird looking coil at the heel it doesn't hurt as much to be on your feet. I wonder how much they cost? There are only three stores that sell it in mn and the closest is on France Ave. So as soon as I can get myself down there and purchase a pair, I will definately let y'all know if my feet have found a match. The shoe is known as Z-coil. Lonesome dreamer made me think about shoes when she discussed scrubs in her blog. Working in the healthfield, I feel I have to be comfortable in order to give proper care. If my scrubs make me feel constricted and my feet hurt, I won't pay much attention to the patients. So, anything that make me comfortable makes my job easier and mood cheerier.

A change is as good as a rest

As you can tell, I finally got around to changing my template. I have gone through three templates in the last two days but finally decided to stick with this one. I am still not completely satisfied with it, particularly the font. Xml with CSS needs a little getting used to, so as I learn you will notice little changes here and there. Speaking of which, expect some changes with Somaliblogs too. Lots of exciting new things in the works. Keep an eye out!

All that glitters is not gold

Semana pasado the G8 summit commenced in Germany. Personally I don't care much for this international body but then again I have much disdain for any international body these days. Not many people know of an initiative implemented by a couple of international bodies;IMF and World Bank. The initiative's goal is to provide debt relief in Heavily In-debt Poor Countries (HIPC) aka reduce poverty to sustainable levels. What exactly is a sustainable level of poverty? A level of poverty that is fine to live with. I am sorry but there is no level of poverty that is fine to live with. The HIPC initiative gives debt relief to countries that meet a certain criteria provided that they implement some social programs that IMF and World Bank think should be priority. In other words a couple big wigs in a developed country sit down and map out what exactly is the problem in the African country they will give debt relief to, then they attach these conditions to the debt relief. Where exactly do they get off telling us they know our problems better than we do? Countries could use the extra money to increase quality of the agricultural products for export thus generating more revenue or how about building factories thereby increase productivity in the country.

Instead most of the programs are geared to be social services to meet the needs of the poor. But what exactly is a school building good for without teachers and books? A new hospital without qualified staff? What good is debt relief if the infrastructure to strengthen the countries' economy is relegated to the back burners? When you walk into a local grocery store and all you see is imported wares and nothing from your country? Africa is like a hamster in a cage, running on a wheel that is ever turning but the scenery never changes. I think its time to step back from the wheel and take a realistic look at our disproportional poverty levels, and come up with an idea that will help Africans and not make them forever beggars of alms from the developed countries. HIPC; a doomed initiative which many say leave African countries more impoverished than before.

NBA finals

Alright , alright! So Pistons didn't make it to the finals. I had a couple gloating phone calls from my friends to rub salt on the wounds last Saturday. I am inclined to blame someone for Pistons failure to live up to their potential and that someone is Flip Saunders. He used to coach Minnesota Timberwolves before his move to Detroit and I got to say I was never impressed with him before nor am I impressed now. During the series against Cavs, this coach seemed to be drawing up a game plan that did not correspond with the opponent he was facing. In game 3 & 4 he never double teamed Lebron even though he was explosive especially in the fourth quater. Let me not even start on how mad I got with the calls Flip made during the double OT.Hughes is not a polished pointguard nor do I understand why he even gets minutes on the court, so Mr Big shot should have been able to capitalize on that match-up but no he had to lose his game somewhere during the series. After watching game 3 & 4 I saw there was no way Pistons were going to the finals and I can see why Rasheed lost his cool when game 6 came around.

The final starts Thursday and the Spurs of course made it after playing dirty against Suns and beating them, then polishing off the Utah Jazz. Cav versus Spurs finals seems to be an either/or game. EITHER Spurs are going to systematically and methodically wear out the Cavs OR the Cavs are going to surprise the country by getting rid of the monopolized NBA championship of the SA spurs. I rather hope for the latter but that could entirely be due to my dislike for the Spurs.

Till next time when I post about the championship!

US's position when it comes to science

The last couple days I have come to a realization that US is lagging behind when it comes to science. I don't necessarily think its due to lack of brain power in the science field, but rather its due to the constraints that the government puts on science. Most of the greatest science minds are moving to the European continent because of its laxity in controlling the science field. Most notably, the stem cell research field. I was watching news today and saw that by implanting a cell in the retina, a man in Britain was able to regain his eyesight (blindness caused by old age). The other news bit that got me thinking about science in the US, was one about a deal between NHS and a drug company. The makers of Velcade (a cancer drug used to treat myeloma) will refund NHS money if their drug does not work on the patient. The drug costs about 18,000 pounds per patient. I think this is a lesson worth learning. In the US 65% of the population do not have health care and more than 65% cannot afford the drugs mainly because drug companies manipulate the market prices to maximize profit.

While I am on the drug companies case, Pfizer is getting sued by the Nigerian government for conducting test on children. The study used a drug called Trovan to treat meningitis in children. Nigerian government reports that come children died due to participation in the study. Pfizer of course denies the accusation. Africa is a dumping ground for expired drugs for these companies and now they have figured out another way to exploit Africans. By giving free drugs they get unassuming candidates for their drug studies. In the developed countries it is hard to test drugs on patients without having the FDA all over the paperwork, but who policies the continent of Africa? Our leaders don't have our interest at heart as long as their pockets are lined. I am sure as soon as some money is spread around this whole suit will dissipate into the thin air.

The Sun is blazing.

As you can tell I am not about to talk about the weather. After tonite the stage will be set for probably the most thrilling games in the playoffs this year. Chicago Bulls swept their series against D. Wade and O'Neal. Pistons and Cavs also swept their series against Orlando Magic and Wizards respectively. The next match-ups are going to be Suns against San Antonio Spurs. I am so excited about this particular series because the last time the Spurs met Suns in the playoffs, the Suns didn't have Mr Amare S. The dominating figure (on the right side of Shawn Marion in the picture) is a presence to contend with. He will rival Tim Duncan under the rims. Steve Nash/Barbosa combo have to face Ginobli/Parker on the offence. This year these two teams seem to be evenly match and that is why this is a non miss series for basketball lovers. Both teams have the ability to attack in the paint area and also perimeter shooting. So far I have taped all the games these playoffs and watched them after work and classes. I am going to be making it a point to be sitting on the couch when these games are on though.

The next matchup I am salivating for is the Bulls-Pistons series. Ben Wallace who won defensive player of the year when he played for the Pistons is now on the opposite team facing the Pistons. Billups has a younger team to contend with but Billups has experience in his favor. Ben Gordon/Nocioni/Deng are quick with the ball and move the ball around just like the Pistons do. After the Pistons won the championship in 2004, many teams in the NBA started preaching about teamwork and being unselfish with the ball. Bulls seem to have taken that mentality to heart. I love both teams but my loyality lies with Pistons, though I will secretly be cheering for Ben Gordon and crew.

Cavs get to play with the winners of the Nets-Raptors series (3-1) and tonite the world gets to know which two teams will square off against each other in Western Conference. Rockets is leading its series against Jazz by a game and so does Warriors against Mavs. I am looking for Warriors to close out the series tonite if they can get their emotion in check and they learn appropriate ball handling. Davis needs to be able to use the clock to his advantage. It was the most dumbest play I saw in the last game. Warriors was up and instead of using the clock to his advantage Davis got a stupid foul and fouled out, giving Nowitzki a chance to find his game during clutch time. Facing elimination, Nowitzki, who has been struggling in this series, discovered a way around the Warriors defense. He was able to shot before the double team shut him out and the last few minutes of the game he was able to make a couple of game changing three pointers. Warriors have a task ahead of them to try to knock out the #1 seed in Western Conference. Harrington, Davis, Jackson, Richardson and Ellis have to find a way to stop the Mavs from leaving Oakland with a W.

I will try to keep the blog updated with more analysis as the finals draw near. It was sad to see AI leave the series but the guy dribbles too darn much. He either needs to shot or pass the ball to Melo. I was happy to see the Laker eliminated and D-Wade too. I have no love for James Posey and Haslem. They both get on my last nerves. Keep watching the NBA playoffs and wear the colors of your teams as you yell on your couch.

Ps:- if Suns make it into the finals, I will try to convince my roomate to get me tickets and instead of her coming to Minnehopeless, I will fly to Arizona just to cheer on the Suns.

News from the world.

Who is on the receiving end of the Isreali community these days? Who else but Ehud Olmert. People are calling for his resignation from office due to his inefficent tactics during the 2006 Lebanon War. Apparently after destroying the infrastructure of Lebanon in a matter of days, the Isrealis are not satisfied with Olmert. He was supposed to annihilate Hezbollah and bring back the two Isreali captives. He didn't do that now did he? Instead he caused a lot of death and destroyed a small country that was just starting to emerge from decades of war. The public polls show that his popularity is on the decline since the Lebanon War. His own deputy is calling for his resignation. Its only been a year since Olmert won the elections and the country seems to be at polar opposites on the issue of re-election. Livni (the deputy) might have her work cut out for her, that is if she doesn't get replaced.



On the US side of the world, I got to be say I am not suprised by the turnout of the immigration demonstration in Los Angeles. LAPD seem to be carving out a reputation for themselves as anti-immigrant. The LAPD attack on the demostrators is another showcase of violence tendacies within the police force. 240 rounds of bullets and no arrest, are you kidding me? The footage itself is disturbing. It reminded me of the days of GSU or FFU as they are better known in Kenya. During the times of unrest, the Kenyan government would let loose these bullies on citizens. They were effective in scaring the S-H-I-T out of you. I bet y'all wondering why I am harping on this. I think it will set a precendant for other police departments to follow suit. I would definately like to see what happens when the Police Commissioner gets a couple names. It probably be a hush thing with a couple scape goats selected. This violence is a tumor that might grow out of control. LA is a beautiful city that is infused with many cultures from around the world not to mention it is the port of entry for most immigrants. If the tumor starts there then there is no hope for the rest of continental US. Watch footage

Now my corner of the world; drugs. FDA asks antidepressants manufactures to broaden their black box warning to include ages 18-24. During the initial months of treatment (antidepressant), there is a notable increase in suicidal thoughts in young adults and children. The companies have been given 30 days to resubmit their package labels. This would practically affect the entire class of antidepressants i.e SSRI (Selective Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitors). Let me put this in perspective, nearly 15 million people in the US take antidepressant each month. Even a fraction of those folks having suicidal thoughts is scary, especially if the trend shows that it affects only the children & young adults (the future generations).

Watching the DunKan and lil dreams coming true.

I am a big sports nerd that has been in hibernation. Last year I had post after post following the NCAA and the NBA but this year nada/zilch/zippo. On Wednesday as I sat down to map out the month ahead, I noted that the NBA playoffs are due to begin on the 21st. Silly rabbit, where has my head been? I had to take action. Most teams had already clinched their positions and that didn't really interest me as much as my teams being above .500

Back to my tale, last night as I watching highlights I made a plea for anyone to get me a ticket to go watch San Antonio Spurs and T Wolves play. Lo and behold my sis calls me this morning as I was sitting outside my espanol class.

Hola?
Eh?
Mi hermana! Como estas?
Nayaa.......I got ticket master on the other line. What seats you want for the game?
Que?
The game.
Spurs vs T Wolves?
Yep.
Any tickets. Is you serious? I was joking noh.
Well do you want them then?
Si! Si! Mucho gracias.

My sis got me and my bro tickets to watch Tim Duncan live. I mean Manu Ginobli was right infront of my eyes and so was Ricky Davis, Tony Parker, Mike James. Only dude missing was KG. I had a blast. I was feeling odd sitting in the arena with my hijab on but after the game started and I went into my fanatic mood, I forgot my discomfort. My lil brother enjoyed it too and if it weren't for his forgetfulness, I would have images of sweat drenched 6 ft men to compliment my tale. Suffice it to say...........Muy caliente!!! Next time, I will try to actually get courtside seats so I can perhaps have the ball hit my face or maybe have one of the players land on my lap ;) (I can dream can't I?)

Oh yes another pleasant dream coming true. A friend of mine is traveling to Japan in a couple weeks. Since its a fantasy of mine to go there, I was green with envy. When I went to Egypt I had bought this friend a necklace made from pure silver as a gift. He felt he has to get me something and being the gentleman that he is, he wanted to make sure he gets me something I want. So, when asked, I said "Kimono please!" (Pause) "What color?" (mulling) "Black/White/Red........nothing whorish" (MmmKay). So there ladies and gents I got a couple of dreams realized in a matter of hours. Summer is here, playoffs are about to begin and life just started looking good.

Ps:- I got the itch for a makeover too, so watch this spot for drastic changes come May. Oh and mom is out of Somalia and in Kenya and IA will be home in a week (I hope).

Image courtesy of Kimonoan.com

Cooks and Kids

For shame. I haven't bothered with this corner of my world for while. I needed to come back and spruce things up a bit. Clean out the cobwebs, dust the shelves and whats more be inviting. I have become a full fledged momma now. I have embraced the fact my children will be my siblings and their kids. I have also embraced the fact that I might not ever get to bear my own children. Pessimistic as it may sound, its what proves to be my cross to bear. I was talking to my cousin brother the other day; see he feels he needs to talk to me to reassure himself that I am within my full mental faculties. He asked me how my children were, and I politely told him to piss off, my children haven't been born. Then we talked some more, in which time he spoke of how I do what most women and half the men can't do. As a final note he told me that the probability of a man to actually take me as a wife and therefore sign his life to bear my burdens would be slim. Por que? you may ask. Simply put my cuz told me I have too much baggage for a man to want to be with me. The nerve! I chided him that perhaps men weren't made as they used to be anymore. Touche!


Anyway, back to my spring cleaning. My mom is somewhere in Somalia at the moment. I fret over her. I am not sure how she is some days. My friends and family call to tell me news from Somalia everyday. Their concern for my mother and her well being is touching but at times I just wish they would keep their news to themselves. I also worry about my nephews living there. I plead with my mom when she calls to find them and return them back to the US but she adamantly refuses, citing that its unsafe for her to go to the enemies camp. With these thoughts in my head I had some extra time on Wednesday afternoon between work and school. All this energy and nowhere to channel them. I tried reading but no go, so I did the next best thing. I walked into the kitchen. I haven't cooked for weeks due to my schedule. I looked in the refrigerator and found some tilapia, coconut milk, tamarind and vegetables. I usually don't have a specific meal planned out, I go with my instincts. I boiled some water & dumped fettuccine in there. I chopped some tomatoes, marinated the tilapia in a sweet/spicy concoction I make and soaked my tamarind. Slowly my meal took shape. I ended up making fettuccine pasta, honey glazed tilapia, grilled potatoes with green/red peppers and raisins, mchuzi wa samaki wa kupaka and coleslaw salad with my own dressing. I spent an hour and half in the kitchen and when I was done I felt accomplished. My children were about to come home from school. I had just enough time to clean the kitchen and lay the table. Then my phone rung, It was one of my kids wanting a ride. I was back to the chaos that is my life and my couple hours as an accomplished chef was a dissipating dream quickly fading.

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How much is too much?

In the midst of all the focus Muslims seem to be getting from the media, an article went by unnoticed. While Muslims in Minnesota argue about scanning pork products and alcohols in taxis a bigger catastrophe looms close and aims to strike right at the very heart of the Muslims ummah worldwide. Two pillars of Islam rest squarely on this site. As Muslims we turn our face towards it five times a day and as Muslims we are obligated to try to go there for pilgrimage at least once in our lifetime (if its within our means). This holy site that dates from Prophet Ibrahim is being desecrated and turned into a commercial zone. This place, where all Muslims stand equal is going to have gated communities and Starbucks a few feet away from the entrance. So, where does that leave us?

I tell you where it leaves us. Its leaves us up a creek with no paddle. A stinging slap to our face. As we battle on other fronts, our very own sticks a dagger into our back. Commercialism at its best, its infiltrated even the most remote and holiest of all cities. Yet, here is the kick in the gut, not a creature stirs within the masses. Its passed unnoticed as we marvel at the march of progress and at the convenience of our guilty pleasures even in Makkah. The price for a piece of this real estate pie starts off at a "modest" $ 3 million. So what you going to do about it?

What do you do when you are uncertain?

I am not sure where to begin. Its been a weird beginning of the year so far. I am uncertain about many things because of the way events have unfolded. First my sister crashed my car. Then, I got in an accident. Then, a friend's car got taken for a joy ride for a couple hours (when we presumed it was stolen), then my mom's cell was lifted from her restraunt while she was standing there, then my newphew got diagnosed with cancer, then one of the relatives I went to visit in Kenya died, then a friend of my mother died in a car crash while going home, then a co-worker's father had to have surgery cause bacteria got into their blood stream from their kidney stones, another friend's father became depressed and ran away from home and finally another friend quit school because she couldn't even afford to eat food anymore.In a span of 3 months, there have been icky news after icky news.

I turned 24 two weeks ago and more than ever I am uncertain. So what do you do when you are uncertain? This thought resonated within me when I heard the man utter it on stage. It was an assigment I had to do for a class but yet I felt I was destined to hear this. He spoke of how a sailor uses the stars to tell where he is, but what if while journeying the clouds cover the stars? Is the sailor on the right path? Did he veer of it or did he imagine the stars in the first place? I was riveted to my seat for the rest of the play waiting to find the answer to the question posed but sadly at the end of the play I was left with more questions. So I ask you, what do you do when you are uncertain?

When in Rome..........

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"Achoo! Achoo!" went I. My eyes were watering and my nose had a tinge of red from all the tissue friction. I looked over to my companion, Hassan. He was my assigned protector in Kenya. Back when I used to attend primary school he used to drive us to and from school amidst taking my mom wherever she wanted. I remembered him thinner than he was but then again I had gained some weight myself since he last saw me. I turned my attention to the window. It was about 5 pm in the evening and I was on my way to Isiolo. This was a town that would best be explained as a frontier between the lands of Somalis and Kenyans. Most of the inhabitants were a mixture of Borana, Somali and Merus. Last time I had being there I was about ten. I remembered being able to count the number of stone built houses on my two hands.

My breath misted on the window as I peered through the glass to gaze at the lush green countryside. My fingers itched as I fought the urge to grab my camera and click away. I had missed this land. My motherland. The smells, the sights, the people. I had missed every iota of it. I was bone tired but in this land I knew rest was just a heartbeat away, rest was in the folds of my grandmother and great aunt. My eyelids slowly dropped shut as fatigue overcame my awe. I awoke with a start when I felt my head on someones chest. I looked sleepily up and saw it was Hassan who had placed my head on his chest instead of the cold, clattering window. I went back to sleep. An hour later he gently placed his hand on my shoulder to wake me. I asked him if we were there yet and he told me we had come into town but wouldn't get off at the bus stop instead we had to get off somewhere else. I gasped. It was pitch dark outside. I had three heavy bags not including my backpack plus Hassan had told me he didn't know the way to great grandma's house. He chuckled at my shock and reassured me that someone will meet us. The bus pulled over after five minutes and I clambered out. It was cold as far as Africa was concerned but it was fine for me. After Hassan had gotten my luggage out, we stood next to each other staring into the darkness waiting for someone to turn up. I noticed Hassan clutching his arms to his chest and offered him my winter coat. He thought it weird but I told him the weather was fine for me since I spend at least three months in snow up in Minnesota anyway. A few minutes later I saw a tall, lanky figure walking purposefully towards us. I held my breath as I watched the figure draw near. 15 ft, 12 ft, 10 ft..................Feeeeeei! I screamed.

Feisal, my uncle laughed loudly at my recognition. He grabbed my bags and motioned us towards a taxi. I asked him a couple questions about his kids and wife, about grandma and great grandma. After that I kept quiet as Hassan and him caught up on the non specifics of life. The taxi screeched to a halt infront of a corrugated sheet posing as a gate. Between the gate and the street lay a two feet ditch. I watched as my bags were hurled across and grew apprehensive. Hiking up my abaya, I was glad about my choice of pants over skirts. I leaped across the ditch and barely made it due to the weight of the backpack on my back. Once across the threshold, I heard my grandma's scolding Feisal about not taking my backpack too. Hands and arms reached out to me as I walked into the house. Tea and food was requested as was water to get cleaned up with. "Ayeyo, choo iko wapi? (where is the toilet?). My grandma peered at me and asked me if I really had to go and I said yep, I have been holding it in for 5 hours. She turns to my great aunt and asks her if she bought parafin for the feynuus. They have a discussion and after a while, my grandma approaches me with a can full of water and a sympathetic look. I HAD TO PEE OUTSIDE because there was no light in the latrine (which was also outside). I giggled and grabbed the can from my grandma and went to relive myself. When I came back my grandma asked me if I was ok. I nodded my head and said, "Ayeyo, nimezaliwa hapa (I was born here)." From that minute on I acted like the everyone else around me, which earned me the nickname survivor.

I love you more.............than you do?

I haven't done what is expected of me i.e tell tales of my adventures in Africa but I will get around to it soon (I promise). I actually wanted to talk about something else today. Recently I was listening to radio and I decided to share my thoughts about it. The conversation was that in order to have a successful relationship, one person (in the relationship) has to have an over-abundance of love.


I was at first puzzled because I thought in an ideal world you would both be 50/50 on the amount of love. As I listened to the callers' opinions though I begun looking back into my relationships and I mean all including sister/friend/exs. A realization occured to me that in each relationship I was the lackey. The one who did the bidding;the slave. Mind boggling thought isn't it. Here I was confident in my ways with my life but when it came to someone else I tended to putty. So here is the challenge I pose to whoever reads. Look back in your relationships and ask yourself is the theory right? If so, who loved more? What are you using as a measuring tool? Do you think that you will keep your "position"?

Ps:- This is not an anti-valentine day post by the way ;) so if you think you can't handle the evaluation till after valentine day, then by all means wait it out. [If you evaluate your love life that is].

Un, Deux, Trois.........

Here I go again. Its not the first time I have been here. The view is still the same. The same blurry lines, the same dull color, the same vernacular sounds. Its surprising that the whole world has advanced forward but this corner of my universe seems stuck. My lips pursue in thought. It really isn't as bad I thought, I console myself. I can handle this. I have been through worse, much worse. I pick up the object in front of me; my youth. Its fading fast. No more bright colors emanating from it, no more joyful giggles and goofy smiles. Time does fly and all I am left with is memories. Refusing to succumb to the self pity that I knew so well, I moved on. Next was my vocation. I picked it up and stared at the awards and congrats from it. Really, is that all I amount to? How about the sweat and blood hours I poured into being perfect at what I do? Does that not count for anything but placards of wood? I threw it across the room, my eyes flashing at the idiocracy my life is. I picked up a withered flower next. I had neglected this flower for a long time. Refusing to water it or even add manure so that it can mature into a beautiful flower that it is. The bees didn't find it particularly alluring and all the seeds in the ovum had given up on being pollinated. It was a sad case and I was the guilty party. I knelt by the flower and frailly touched the petals. This was my love life. The culmination of my world was within these objects scattered around this odd looking room. When I get the urge to make a change in my life, I walk back into the room and perhaps it is there that I find the courage to do what I have to do.