Understanding your child

Lots of my friends will tell you I have certain philosophies about children. I love children so much and for some reason unbeknownst to me they love me too. But this is not about my love for children but more my understanding of how they work. There are two articles that caught my interest. The first one deals with babies and the second one about learning.

We all know that babies have their own language. Hell most of us have tried to imitate them by going "goo goo gah gah". Did you know that you can understand what their cries mean? Each cry signifies a need that will stop the endless fussing that mothers go through trying to figure out what their child needs. No matter what race or culture, all babies, between 0-3 months, use these five basic "words".

"Neh"="I'm hungry"

"Owh"="I'm sleepy"

"Heh"="I'm experiencing discomfort"

"Eair"="I have lower gas"

"Eh"="I need to burp"

Priscilla Dustan, an Australian mom, has a photographic memory for sound. She was on Oprah plugging her cd coming out on 11/27 and she showed examples (clips) of what these sounds are like. Inshallah I will be getting the cd and add it to my library. I think its such a wonderful breakthrough and a lot of mothers not to mention children will be better off from it. On a side note though, most mothers do develop an understanding for their child's needs but there are some mothers who do not develop this connection. For these mothers its absolutely horrible and they go through depression and sometimes do harm unto themselves or children because of it.

The second article was about Dr Mel Levine, a pediatrician from Chapel Hill, North Carolina. Dr Levine has a theory about children and learning. He believes that all brains are wired differently. Though many critics cite his theories as unfounded, the speech I heard him giving was full of Aha moments. A website with more information is www.allkindsofminds.org. I probably will pick up two of his books, A mind at a time & Ready or not, here life comes. Intrigued? Here is an excerpt of his speech:

Ricky is a sixth grader with a brilliant imagination and advanced language skills, but he can't write. That's because he has trouble handling spelling, punctuation, grammar, letter formations and facts all at once with a sheet of paper in front of him. Adults call him lazy, and he is fast becoming a 'bad' boy.

Then there's Beth, a bright kid who gets stymied by sequences of anything – multi-step instructions or math problems, or even presenting her ideas when she talks or writes. Her classmate Wendy is an effervescent red-haired girl of many talents who nevertheless endures constant frustration because she has serious problems remembering what she has read, even though she can understand the content quite well. As she puts it: "Whenever I read, each sentence erases the one that went before it."

These are examples of children with normal or superior overall cognitive ability who are contending with differences in the wiring of their brains, subtle but important neurodevelopmental variations that impede their learning productivity and enjoyment of education. In addition to deficiencies in basic skills – such as reading, writing or mathematics – some of the manifestations are less obvious. The kids may have difficulties managing time, expressing ideas in language, remembering facts or problem-solving methods on a test, understanding key concepts or gaining social acceptance from peers

Preparations

Say Hello to Mama's toy! I got me a toy last weekend. I haven't splurged on gadget tools since I last bought my ipod three years ago and so I feel like I totally deserve this gift. Its a sony touchscreen hardrive camcorder. It holds about 40 hours of footage and with one touch you can burn your footage on DVD. The LCD monitor swivles 270 degrees which for me means this time around I have no excuse not to be in my shots.Its not the smallest thing out there but my small hands can firmly grip this lil gadget without the risk of me fumbling. My favourite part though is use of touchscreen for navigation. I can't wait to put this baby into action on my trip Inshallah.

On a sadder note, I am bed ridden with a cross of bronchial infection and pneumonia. Its unpleasant especially when I keep getting night sweats each night. I finally broke down and went to the doc and now I am on a strict regiment of antiobiotics which lets face it if its viral I might just as well pull a rabbit out of a hat. Only light to my day was finally watching Da Vinci Code and getting a round trip ticket to Cairo for $900 bucks. I am such a trip addict and I am anal about planning everything and at the last moment throwing all my plans to the wind and just living in the moment. I am getting plenty of tips from friends and I even found out that my brother in law's brother (is there one word to say that?) lives there, so I can get to see the other side of my sister's nuclear family. Obviously there is that tiny itsy wintsy problem of not knowing where I will lay my head once I get there but I am fully confident that Inshallah it will work itself out.

Gerald Levert died last week of a heart attack. He was the son of one of the Ojays and was once a member of LSG. I remember many a night me listening to his album the G-Spot. His musical contributions will solely be missed. In an era where music leaves little to the imagination, Gerald knew how to croon to a lady's heart.

I think I have to quit because my head is stuffy and I can barely get enough oxygen in my lungs. Dress warm and always disinfect surfaces because you never know what germs might be lying in wait for you.

Ps:- Has anyone noticed a pesky pop-up everytime my page pops up? Anyone know how to address this issue? Or do I just write to blogger staff and let them deal with it?

In & Out of Time

The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance...
our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out of time.
When the first stone looked up at the blazing sun
and the first tree struggled up from the forest floor
I had always loved you more.
You freed your braids...
gave your hair to the breeze.
It hummed like a hive of honey bees.
I reached in the mass for the sweet honey comb there....
Mmmm...God how I love your hair.
You saw me bludgeoned by circumstance.
Lost, injured, hurt by chance.
I screamed to the heavens....loudly screamed....
Trying to change our nightmares to dreams...
The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out
in and out
in and out
of time.

by Maya Angelou

It is what spices up life. Yet, when we seek it, it is never there. We impose our definition of it when we do find it & in one swift motion kill its purpose.Our trials and tribulations mold our view of love. I started off rejecting the notion of love, progressed to embodying it and finally like everything in life I ended up where I started. Love trancedes gender, race, religion, tribe and everything in between. Love is universal and it is this trait that makes it a scarce commodity. It sends shivers up your spine and in the same instant it can bloody your nose or worse break the very organ that beats its rhythm. The rhythm that resounds and is amplified by the weakness in my knees, my tummy doing the cartwheels and the inevitable rush of blood to my loins. 'Tis a bittersweet fruit this love but I am entraced by it. It weaves a web around my writhing body as I try to escape. Leave me be, I yell. This ride is not yet begun comes the swift answer as the beating of my heart increases twicefold. I twist and turn, look south and north but never at the object of my frustration or should I say desire. The clock chimes the witching hour and I cringe for time is a bitch to chase. Must be due to the two xtra hands it possess. I got you NOW, as I manuever into a more comfortable position. I look up and gasp, for the image I see is me alone, haggard and alone. All this time I was running away from myself and time wasn't even a factor.

Nationalist pride

I was visiting my cuz this morning when he made me watch this clip from youtube.com I didn't understand everything about what she said but something about her voice and the way she seems to convey her message pulled at me. So, can y'all help me out in translating the whole thing? Much appreciated to anyone who does.

Season Begins

NBA season is finally here! First night and the bulls are dousing the heat. I can't wait for tommorrow night. Lakers and Suns are playing now and I can't even finish watching the game cause my sis has a craving for Wendy's. You know the slogan, eat great even late. Why can't a man enjoy a good game on the telly without being bothered. Opps I mean person. Gosh, this brain of mine belongs in a man body. I got to run and take this little girl to the fast food joint and maybe put some gas in my car. Or better yet coax her into paying for my gas. My stress levels are peaked to the point that I don't care no more. Work was busy per usual but what was worse was when I looked at tommorrow's schedule and noticed I was going to fly solo without a cashier for two hours. I almost quit. The good thing was my boss was there for me to point out the unfairness of the situation. He was pissed! but I hustled and convinced one of the cashiers to work. Hopefully tommorrow should be a better day and I can come back and watch some B-Ball with my feet up cause Thursday I am OFF!! What to do with myself? Lock myself up and study for my midterm thats what. Or at least thats the plan. Wish me luck! After this week ends, I will be concentrating on pinning down the issues for the candidates in the MN races. That alone requires my calm persona coupled with my critical brain. Ha, look out political analysts.

Ps:- Don't #23 Lebrown look mighty fine. **sighs** (I had to put that in to convince myself and you, I was still a woman)

Dire needs within my sphere.

I need a holiday. I am overworked and miserable. I have never hated going to work but after this week I am beginning to despise the darn place. Everytime I walk in the place is a mess and I have to clean it up. The person in charge always find managerial things to do instead of working. She is new to our team and I am personally beginning to despise her. I have never seen my boss so wound up, never seen Joe grumbling or cussing under his breath. Something has to give. There is no system in place. The workflow is hectic and personally I feel drained by the time I leave the pharmacy. I feel like I was mining instead of filling drugs. Ughhhhhh......I am in desparate need for a holiday. I am thinking of going to Egypt and spending the five weeks from school learning arabic and maybe doing some sightseeing. Moonlight boat trip on the nile, camel ride to the pyramids, ancient & vibrant culture, islamic enviroment, beautiful abayas, all this and getting away from my life propels me to ask for the weeks off from work. Normally, I would feel guilty for leaving my poor boss with a handful of competent staff but seriously he dug himself into this hole, he can get himself out of it by firing Ms Alabama. She just is not working out and is going to drive me bananas if I see any more 30+ Rx's sitting and waiting to be filled when I walk in!

My sisters are going to send me to my grave faster than death. One of the tween aged girls decides that whenever I am home I should be in the kitchen slaving for them. Excuse me but i finally got a day off from school, I got laundry piling up and sleep to catch up on. I felt guilty waking up at 10 am but to my amazement she turns to me, in her bed mind you, grumbling when I open the windows at 11am. Then, she proceeds to watch TV instead of cleaning the house. Finally, I just tell her politely that I will throw the big a$$ TV out the patio if she doesn't clean the house. I had a couple errands to do, so I left the house and when i come back she was right where I left her. Holy guacomole, do you isbeak ingris nayaa? I was fuming but I had other things to deal with, so I did my laundry and got ready for work. Work suxed. I came home and cleaned up my room and put away my clothes when the younger ones (8 and 10 yrs) decide to help me. Everything was going ok till one of them couldn't figure out how to plug in my charger (cell) and powered off my power supply. My laptop went dead and it won't turn back on. I called the company and they think my motherboard is fried! I was cussing like a drunk sailor. All my assignments were on my laptop, my articles, my lifeee..............I could have cried. Needless to say my little sister ran to her bed and promptly feel asleep. Now I am without a laptop (not really i can use the desktop and my sister's laptop but its not the same) till Tuesday when someone will come to replace my motherboard.

To calm down, I call my friend Tricia. She is asleep but she listens to me vent then she does some of her own venting. Someone finished off her last peanut butter and she was broke. Let me put this in context for all y'all going HUH? This girl is a strict vegetarian. She doesn't eat nor touch anything with meat in it and to compound things she is broke. She has been basically living off PnJ sandwiches (PeanutButter and Jelly). For two days she has been sleeping hungry. I could have wringed her neck. She talked to me the day before and it would only take me a minute to wire her some cash to tide her over till she starts her job next week. We talked a while about things with me pressing her for bank info but she declined saying I did enough. She cited how for the whole of last semester in uni I basically paid for her grocery since she didn't have a job. Why do people get so proud when it comes to help? Seriously, if you are dying of hunger tell someone. There is no need to punish your body because of your pride.

In the midst of all this, my brother in law goes sexist on me. He asks me why I am watching ESPN all the time. Well, lemme see could it be because I love sports? Then we started discussing the NBA season starting next week. Here is the deal. I love my pistons, they my boys and all but for real the Eastern conference this year is going to be HEATED (no pun intended). Straight up, no joke, we talking caveliers with Lebron James , Bulls with the oh so sweet crew of Kirk, Gordon, Nocioni, Deng and BEN WALLACE, The Pistons and the Miami Heat. Anyways B in law picks his team but he is picking for trivial reason not understanding the beauty and art of the game, making me wish I was a dude man so I could tell him to man up ;)

I am a scatter brain. On thursday my prof hands me a personal invite to this dinner the school is hosting for some press dude or other. It was during my midterms so I didn't have time to read it but out of the whole class there were only two other people who were handed the invitation. I lost my invitation. I had it with me in my car but between my car and getting ready for work I lost it. Now I have to write to my prof and let her know I need another invite so that I can get into the dinner hall. I am absolutely enjoying her class. She is a hoot. I did a career test a few years back that said my personality matched that of a reporter/journalist then a doctor then a pharmacist then nurse. Anyway, I am thinking more and more about taking this course as a second major. I just don't know if I would contribute to the solution or compound the problem that assails the media these days. I just believe there are an elite few who control what we hear and see. There is no across the board discussion nor are there any grassroots movement. Plus I just want a reason to be traveling around the world.

Thanks for bearing through my dire needs monologue. Stay tuned for my politicking monologue in light of the coming elections on Nov 7.

The Different Faces of Muslim Artists

Names of Allah

Only fitting we start with the beautiful names of Allah Zawajal.


Nasheed - Dust is The Bed

This video is about death and nearly made me shed tears because it brought memories of my grandma and her funeral. She was the first person I actually went through funeral rites with including the washing and procession to the ground. I remembered staring at the earth covering her as we read dua over her grave and the only thing I could think of was I wish I was in there with her.


Zain Bhikha - Have you heard? (acappella)

We could add somalia to this list now couldn't we?


Burdah

Anyone know if this is wrong to be listening to. In my collection I have a few and I love them, but the other day I saw a lecture about burdah by Hamza yusuf and I haven't listened to it. I hope he doesn't say we can't listen to them. :(



Mecca2Medina

Ok are these dudes from UK and is one of them somali?


What happened to the Ummah

Great video with impactful images.



Sami Yusuf

Mashallah when he could be earning major bucks singing in bollywood with his voice, he exalts Allah instead. May Allah grant him his hearts desires.



Amir Sulaiman, the Muslim poet

This is especially for Native Female since she was looking for Amir Suleiman.



Taleal Bedru Aleyna-Yusuf islam

We cannot forget the nasheed's of all nasheeds.My little sisters' and niece favourite singer. I just have to pop this cd in for them to all stop quarelling and start singing and hugging each other. Its the cutest thing.



Ya Umi/Ya Hooyo/Ya Mama/Ya Maman

Mashallah this song/video touched my heart. I got a wonderful idea for a gift for my mother using this song as a background & a couple somali & swahili songs dedicated to moms.



The Heart of a Muslim

I hope the message came through with this song.



The 99 Beautiful Names of Allah

And we shall end with another version with english translation of the 99 beautiful names of Allah Zawajal. Hope you guys enjoyed it.

Alhamdullilah Streaming Audio

The BEST lecture I have listened to

I have tried to find a way to stream this lecture so that you won't have to download it but I have failed. Download it and burn it on a cd and distribute it to your loved ones and friends. A brief bio on the lecturer.

Imam Anwar is the Muslim Imam at George Washington University. He holds a B.S. in Civil Engineering from Colorado State University, a M.A. in Education Leadership from San Diego State University and is currently working on a Doctorate degree in Human Resource Development at George Washington University.

He is the author of a series of Audio lectures on the "Lives of the Prophets", covering the stories of the Prophets from Adam to Jesus (pbuh) of which over 20,000 copies have been published. The series is drawn from Imam Ibn Kathir's "Al-Bidayah wa An-Nihayah".

He was born in New Mexico, USA. His parents are from Yemen where he lived for eleven years and received the early part of his Islamic education. He has served as an Imam in Colorado, California, and Washington, DC.

Allah is preparing us for Victory Part 1

Allah is preparing us for victory Part 2

Racing thoughts

"I want to talk to the pharmacist about my racing thoughts!" asked one guest as she called into the pharmacy. We (the pharmacy crew) were amused by the mere thought. I am no longer amused because I am plagued by racing thoughts and to slow the thoughts down I decided to blog them.

V for Vendetta

The other day, I was sitting in journalism class when this thought popped in my head. I compared the movie V for Vendetta to the current state of United States of America. First off that the fascism government in place in the movie is only there due to fear. Sutler bears semblence to Bush. Prothero resembles Bill O'Reilly and V is off course the terrorist. He places bombs to further his cause. The scene that most resounds in my mind is the one when V takes over the airwaves and says:

There are of course those who do not want us to speak. I suspect even now,
orders are being shouted into telephones, and men with guns will soon be on
their way. Why? Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation,
words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for
those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is
something terribly wrong with this country, isn't there? Cruelty and injustice,
intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, think,
and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillence
coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen?
Who's to blame? Well, certainly there are those more responsible than others,
and they will be held accountable, but again truth be told, if you're looking
for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know
you were afraid. Who wouldn't be? War, terror, disease. There were a myriad of
problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common
sense. Fear got the best of you, and in your panic you turned to the now High
Chancellor, Adam Sutler. He promised you order, he promised you peace, and all
he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent. Last night I sought to
end that silence.
Last night I destroyed the Old Bailey, to remind this country of what it has forgotten. More than four hundred years ago a great citizen wished to embed the fifth of November forever in our memory. His hope was to remind the world that fairness, justice, and freedom are more than words,they are perspectives. So if you've seen nothing, if the crimes of this government remain unknown to you, then I would suggest you allow the fifth of November to pass unmarked. But if you see what I see, if you feel as I feel, and if you would seek as I seek, then I ask you to stand beside me one year from tonight, outside the gates of Parliament, and together we shall give them a fifth of November that shall never, ever be forgot."

Adrian Peterson

Ok seriously the dude sustained a collar bone injury today. Whenever I get a chance I watch this dude because he doesn't seem to be stoppable when he is gaining yards. You can pull his legs, pull at his shirt and he will still keep going. I am sorry to see him sit the rest of the season out and hopes he is back to play @ the bowl. I don't see why this injury should factor into his worth as a heisman trophy winner. He certainly deserves it in my books and I wish him luck in the NFL. Brief bio about where he is from. His dad used to play basketball, got cocky, got shot accidentally, nearly lost his legs, got caught up in a drug traffiking ring, got jailed and look at his progeny.

Other corner of the sports world. Rookie of my month would have to be Laurence Maroney of NE Patriots. He is from the good ol' state of Minnesota. He plays in running back position and last week seem to cut through the Bengals defense. Can I mention this? For all y'all who hyped Reggie Bush, compare these two player's stats. Laurence has had 3 Touchdowns and Reggie nada. Aight, preseason games for NBA are beginning. I didn't catch Bulls game against Wizards but Bulls beat them by a point. Inshallah I hope to catch tommorrow's game against the Sonics. It'd be good to see Kirk, Wallace and crew. I definately want to see how they work as a team especially with Defensive playa of the year in the mixx!

Social blabber

So, the farmers in California are complaining that their fruits are rotting because of labor shortages. The mexicans that the government don't want to let in the country. What I don't understand is why there is no automated system in place for harvesting. I would think in a country like this (we like the easy life) there would be an automated alternative. The other way to tackle the labor shortage is an economic increase in wages for those poor immigrant workers.

How about that book? Which book you may ask. The one that talks of teenagers surveyed around the world. "Teenagers around the world believe Americans are extremely violent and criminally inclined, and they believe American women are sexually immoral" is one deduction from the survey of 1300 teenagers in 12 home countries. Sometime in the future, Inshallah, I hope to read this book. It is thus named, Learning to Hate Americans:How US media shape Negative Attitudes Among Teenagers in Twelve Countries.

How out of touch am I? I remember a while back reading about child soldiers in Uganda. Now apparently we got activists lobbying on capitol hill for intervention in Northern Uganda. A civil war has been going on for 20 years? Its between the government and the rebel forces. Go figure we were neighbours and I didn't even know about that. I really ought to check into african news outlets. I am too lax in that department.

Below is a clip showing some moves of Adrian Peterson (#28). His agility and stamina is beautiful to watch.

OU vs ISU offensive highlights

Images from the past

I was deleting some much needed pictures when I decided to create a slideshow of my past. I stopped taking pictures for a year or so now but Inshallah with a purchase of a new camera I will be back in business.

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Fragility to rememberance

It had been six weeks since it happened. Salwa smiled begrudgingly at the couple infront of her walking away from the mosque. Her marriage was supposed to happen SIX weeks ago but didn't. She had been duped. There was no marriage forthcoming nor any compensation for the time and energy dispensed at the failed transaction. Did it really boil down to the tick tock of the clock? she questioned. There was no other explaination. Opening her car door, Salwa started the engine. She fiddled around with her dials till she found the Islamic lecture she was looking for. Salwa tried in vain to focus her attention on the material but pretty soon she was back in the pity zone manning the goalpost. Her mind took a topographically picture of her failed engagement as she zoomed in on what she thought was the bend of the river, the slight curve of the foothills, the tiny speck that she didn't see when it was most vital.

**phone ringing**
[Salwa] hey lil mama (trying for cheery)
[Tania] heeeeeeeeeey girl. U ok?
[S] course I am heifer, what you think? I was gonna lie down and die?
[T] nah, I ain't said that but for reals your voice is wavering.
[S] I can't help it, it hurts even though it shouldn't
[T] Bullshit. Let yourself go through the emotional rollercoaster, you need it to get him out of your system
[S] I can't T, I wasted 4 years of my life on this.
[T] We can go over and do some body damage girl! Give me 10 mins with him and I promise he won't do nothing like this to a woman again let alone think it.
[S] He is not worth it T. He used to be the apple of my eye but now he is not worth it. I guess there is a thin line between love and hate.
[T] Go ahead girl, let it out.
[S] Anyway, much ado about nothing. What's g'waning?
[T] Nothin, just chillin...........can't seem to walk down the street without a bitch hollering at me.
[S] **giggles** I done told you before. Its the way you switch dem hips girl.
[T] Whateva yo! Punk azz men who needs them.
[S] You know ima argue with you on that point even thou I should b a man hater right about now.
[T] Youze a strong bitch. No way, no how when I broke up with Jeremy was I able to talk like this in 6 weeks. I was still crying into my cereal.
[S] God giveth, God taketh away girl. Plus he got his coming on this earth and heaven cause you have got to be evil to do what he did. I still can't believe he did it.
[T] I still think he was cheating on you. I don't care what he said. I just don't think a man gonna come off a rejected proposal and get married a week later. I mean WTF? Who does that?
[S] God knows T. I got to get up outta here cause I got to write me a paper for class.
[T] Aight girl. Call me anytime.
[S] I will. Take care of you.
[T] Take care of you too.

Salwa set the phone on her lap as she grabbed the steering wheel. A wave of grief came over her body and sure enough tears started streaming down her face. She regarded the now dark house of God and wished she was inside that cocoon. Salwa knew she did everything right in regards to Khalid and her. Her mother had said no because she was convinced Khalid didn't have her best interest at heart. Salwa had prayed and fasted all through that period asking God to intervene and he had. God had intervened by completely changing the font of the script, thats what everyone told her. She also heard the usual " you are too good for him". It wasn't enough, Salwa's heart still couldn't understand what went wrong and why so late. The long stretch of time they knew each other he could have stopped it at anytime but he didn't. He strung her along and when all was finalized with the parents is when Khalid decided to pull the rug from under her feet. She was disgraced. How was she going to face her family? Most of them were already asking her when the wedding date was. Salwa wrung the steering wheel some more. She gazed at the door of the masjid and finally got out of the car. She slid her key into the lock and set her things on the corner. Grabbing the Quran, she sat crosslegged by the mimbar and let the words from the Quran envelop her being. It was the only place she felt at peace at this moment.

Kite Runner Lecturers

I am going to warn you right off top that this is going to be an opinion piece.

I was walking towards my class after Jumaa prayers last Friday when I noticed a poster announcing a lecture. The title caught my eye "Conceptualizing Islam". I was intrigued so I marked it down on my PDA for Tuesday. Tuesday came and I found myself sitting in a large lecture hall with a sprinkling of students. There was background music that sounded pakistani but in retrospect it was probably afghan. I was the only muslim, black female there.........kinda got used to that in this school. The lecture begun with an apology for not serving lunch due to observance of Ramadhan. Hypocritical at best if you ask me because the lecturers Mr. Azizi and Mr. Azizi were both drinking water. What Ramadhan were they practicing?

The first Mr. Azizi got on the podium and explained his background. He used to work in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in Afghan between 1966-79. He held a Law and Poli. Sci degree from Kabul and an MBA from Georgia State U. He gave a background of Afhaganistan:99% Islamic and tribalistic. Seriously, doesn't this sound like Somalia? This is not the only time that I would draw this conclusion when it came to this lecture. He explained that before they were invaded by Russia (1979) Afghanistan was a secular society on a democratic path. During the war Pakistan was the only channel through which help was received in Afghanistan. Afghanistan decided that in order to defeat Russia they would support smaller factions as opposed to one unified factions. After this bit of preamble the dude turned me into a critic. Let me quote some of the things he said:

"Pakistan is the biggest problem"
"Terrorist were arabs with the help of Pakistan"
"Musharaf is arrogant and has decided to put Pakistan ahead of the world"
"Pakistan are instigators of Taliban"
"Pakistan seeks strategic depth by taking over Afghanistan"
"No matter what Bush says we have to realize Pakistan is not our friend, the sooner we do the better."

See a thread? He was blaming everything on Pakistan. He used references of liberal think tanks in Washington that prove that Pakistan army is directly involved with insurgents operating in Afghanistan. He also cited a statistic that 92% of drugs produced in the whole world was from Afghanistan. This is important because Pakistan is the closest port that is used to get the opium out. Mr. Azizi then states that drug lord pay 3x more than afghan army to soldiers and thats why there is more insurgents. Post 9/11 for him shows promise because kids are allowed to go to school, women have rights and there is progress. In closing he states that Pakistan was created on a religious basis and there is no true democracy only a military presence.

The other Mr. Azizi got on the podium. His theory was that all the conflict came from these artifical borders carved by colonialism. Wait a minute isn't that the problem in Africa? What pissed me off about this guy was he targeted Islam, specifically madrasas. He claimed that madrasas brain washed the children of Afghanistan feeding them all these lies. The children were susceptible because their honor was vulnerable. He pointed out that when Afghan's immigrated to US their children were seen as social misfits in schools and would then turn to religion.I think this is true with any immigrant but for me it was somalis and gangs. These children would then come home and chastize the lifestyle of their parent's. DUH! maybe because they actually understood their religion more and saw their parent's version of religion as completely secular?

Now came the Q &A. What was the solution?

• Think of earth as a village.
• Educate from childhood.
• Create a popular group that can control Afghan that R friends of USA (u mean puppets?)

I liked some of the questions posed. Here are some:

• How do you create a sense of nationality when 1st they are Punjab's, then muslims then afghans?
• There was Moderate Islam (I think it was secular) in the past, Extreme Islam came with Russian invasion. can you purge out the Extremism?
• Isn't there a catch 22? The economy of Afghan comes from Poppy but then you can't stop it because it provides funds to build the hospitals and schools.

Here is the lesson I got from all this. First, I won't believe the title of a lecture ever again. I should have read the fine print but I learnt something from this lecture. One phrase Mr. Azizi said rang true. He said"War is poison." He explained that when a generation is brought up surrounded by war they cannot be expected to be peacekeepers or peaceful people. He drew an analogy. A soldier is built and trained for war, he can't be expected to turn into a peacekeeper after the war is over and thats why more "accidental" shootings of civilians is happening in Afghanistan and Iraq. I think this lesson can be used in Somalia's case. The people in power are warlords or had some hand in the war. They know nothing but war. How can they lead us into peace? It is also a plea I guess on my part that some of us in the diaspora should think about being active in the reconstruction of Somalia or even contemplate going back and actually living there.

Mwezi mtukufu wa Ramadhan na fadhila zake-Juma Amiyr

Thought I should share this lecture ni kiswahili to those who understand it. Inshallah I will try to post a couple other lectures in English I love.

Lessons of my week

I learnt a few lessons this week. My first lesson was with corporate America. I finally talked to my boss about Mr T. (the harrasser) and she defended him and said he jokes a lot and she would prefer I talk to him once more before she steps in. I wasn't scheduled with him for the next couple days so I bidded my time. I have to mention that during this time I also changed my schedule at work and told the scheduler I can only work in the afternoons and evenings. She didn't seem to have a problem with it and I was under the impression everything was Kosher. Anyway, On Tuesday she runs to me and says I need to talk to him that day or else she will talk to him whether or not I do. She is very firm about it and I am wondering what the heck got you in a tizzy? So, I say I would like to talk to him and she can sit in and listen. We have our little meeting and Mr. T keeps apologizing profusely that I felt real guilty. On Thursday, she calls me in her office to inform me that her and the other african dude (friend of Mr. T) have decided to let me go because "you were hired as a permanent full time and we can't have you switching your schedule and taking hours away from people who have worked here for years". I was a little suprised but I wasn't worried because this was a second job and lets face it it was cutting into my school schedule as it were. What bothered me was the coincidence of the complaint, the friendship of my direct supervisor and Mr T, and the obvious fact that when I was hired the lady knew I was in school and come fall semester I would be changing my schedule. Another factor is the majority of the workers there are students and most of them worked one day every week and in the evening. What can I say? I understood the fact that maybe I shouldn't have opened my mouth about his harrassment. Knowing this made it easy for me to walk out that door with my head held high because I figured if thats the environment they work under I never want to be there. So, I get one week off and I am back to working fulltime at my old job, with people I have come to regard as family and love as such. Mr T can have his playing field!


The other lesson, I learnt was that I am addicted to music. My friends used to joke about it alot. The fact I have +3000 songs on my laptop, +300 CDS and my ipod. I had mp3s but I gave them out to my sister and brother. I can't get into my car without music, I can't work without music, I can't study without music, I can't cook without music..........I hope you get the point. I was asked to roughly estimate how many hours of music I listen to a day and I casually replied 6-7 hrs. When I saw the look of shock on the people's faces I understood the fact that maybe that is not a good thing. So, I am left to wonder if I can shed this addiction like I did my others i.e internet? Especially in the light of Ramadhan. I have always brushed off the fact I could listen to music during ramadhan as long as I fulfilled my fast and didn't let music affect my mood of introspection. Its not true. Music affects me. My mood reflects my music. Sadness brings on the sappy songs, longing brings on Ginuwine, Tyrese et al.........................yada yada yada. So if anyone can give me clarification on what the Quran says about music in regards to ramadhan and regular islamic life I would so appreciate it. **listening to music as she is typing**


My last lesson was last night. It started around 3 am. I woke up to the sound of a blaring horn. At first I thought it was my ears (I have being having inner ear problems) but when I shook my sister awake and asked her if she could hear it and she confirmed it, I was irritated. No one moved in the whole complex. I looked outside and didn't see anything fishy. My sister thought it was the AC so I turned it off. Nope. I couldn't believe how anyone can sleep through that racket. I mean it was loud as hell. I live in a predominately white neighbourhood and y'all know how white people be all sensitive about their sleep during weekdays. I was expecting someone to take action. Nada, no movement could be seen or heard. Finally, I grabbed the phone cussing and called 911. " I can't sleep cause someone's car is going off out there, can you send an officer to check it out cause I ain't finna walk my ass out there in the cold in the dark" I waited 10 mins then two cruisers pulled up. They identified the car as soon as they pulled up. Walked around the car making sure ain't no one dead in there leaning on the horn (I suppose) then walked toward the complex entrance. I walked down and let them in grumbling about the fact that some of us have to be up by 6 am and like our sleep to be undisturbed. They must have thought I was crazy. I was in a foul mood and didn't invite them into my home. I let them go knock on that person's door and after they got dressed they turned the racket off. Bloody hell. I couldn't believe anyone slept through that irritating sound. My stereotypes of whites was wrong. They weren't nosy, sensitive people.


Hopefully with Ramadhan a couple days away it should prove to be a better week. I got invited to a proffesor's BBQ on Sunday, even though I will be fasting. I am looking forward to meeting the IJs (International Journalists) and talking with the faculty, though I dunno how I will handle seeing burgers being cooked on the first day of Ramadhan. Ramadhan Kareem to y'all.

And so it has begun.

It wasn't that long ago that the controversy of the cartoons depicting the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) was all the rage in the mosques. There were boycotts of products and governments. Now the leader of the catholics seems to have dug himself into a corner. Pope Benedict went back home to Germany this month after a long hiatus. During a speech he delivered at Regensburg University, he quotes a book. The book quotes a conversation between Emperor Manuel II and an "educated" persian. Allahu ya3lam you be the judge. Here is an edited version of his speech that I found on timesonline.co.uk

"I was reminded of all this recently, when I read the edition by Professor
Theodore Khoury (Münster) of part of the dialogue carried on, perhaps in 1391,
by the erudite Byzantine emperor Manuel II Paleologus and an educated Persian on the subject of Christianity and Islam, and the truth of both.
The dialogue ranges widely over the structures of faith contained in the Bible and in the Koran. . . In the seventh conversation the emperor touches on the theme of the holy war. The emperor must have known that Sura (Koranic chapter) 2, 256 reads: ‘There is no compulsion in religion.’ According to the experts, this is one of
the suras of the early period, when Mohammed was still powerless and under
threat. But naturally the emperor also knew the instructions, developed later
and recorded in the Koran, concerning holy war . . . He addresses his
interlocutor with a startling brusqueness on the central question about the
relationship between religion and violence, saying: ‘Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.’
The emperor, having expressed himself so forcefully, goes on to explain the reasons why spreading the faith through violence is something unreasonable. Violence is incompatible with the nature of God and the nature of the soul. ‘God,’ he says, ‘is not pleased by blood — and not acting reasonably . . . is contrary to God’s nature. Faith is born of the soul, not the body. Whoever would lead someone to faith needs the ability to speak well and to reason properly, without violence
and threats . . . To convince a reasonable soul, one does not need a strong arm,
or weapons, or any other means of threatening a person with death . . .’ The
decisive statement in this argument against violent conversion is this: not to
act in accordance with reason is contrary to God’s nature. Theodore Khoury,
observes: For the emperor, as a Byzantine shaped by Greek philosophy, this is
self-evident.
But for Muslim teaching, God is absolutely transcendent. His
will is not bound up with any of our categories, even that of rationality. At
this point, as far as understanding of God and thus the practice of religion is
concerned, we are faced with an unavoidable dilemma. Is the conviction that
acting unreasonably contradicts God’s nature merely a Greek idea, or is it
always and intrinsically true? . . . John began the prologue of his Gospel with
the words: ‘In the beginning was the Word.’ This is the very word used by the
emperor: God acts, with logos. Logos means reason and word — reason which is
creative and capable of self-communication, precisely as reason. A profound
encounter of faith and reason is taking place here, between genuine
enlightenment and religion . . . This inner rapprochement between biblical faith
and Greek philosophical inquiry was an event of decisive importance not only
from the standpoint of the history of religions, but also from that of world
history . . .
Given this convergence, it is not surprising that Christianity, despite its origins and some significant developments in the East, took on its historically decisive character in Europe. In the Western world it is widely held that only positivistic reason and the forms of philosophy based on it are universally valid. Yet the world’s profoundly religious cultures see this exclusion of the divine from the universality of reason as an attack on their most profound convictions. The West has long been endangered by this aversion to the questions which underlie its rationality, and can only suffer great harm thereby. The courage to engage the breadth of reason, and not the denial of its grandeur — this is the programme with which a theology grounded in biblical faith enters into the debates of our time. ‘Not to act reasonably, not to act with logos, is contrary to the nature of God,’ said Manuel II, according to his under-standing of God. It is to this great logos, this breadth of reason, that we invite our partners in the dialogue of cultures."

Now I don't know what they edited out but if the pontiff couldn't see quoting such a book would lead to problems then i dunno what to say. I will leave you with a paraphrased hadith. Prophet Muhammad (SAW) was telling a sahaba that they will come a time when islam will be attacked from all sides. The sahaba was puzzled. He asked if the Ummah will be small in numbers during such times. To which the Prophet replies, " No you will be many." Sahaba continues asking, and what happens to make our ummah stand by when we are attacked. The reply is, The ummah falls in love with dunya and disregard the afterlife.

Do you know that Islam commands the position of the second largest religion in the world? It is an all inclusive faith boosting muslims from Africa, Arabs, Asia, North America, Australia, South Americas etc. We are indeed a weak ummah and the only way we can strengthen ourselves is by educating ourselves in not only the secular but the religious. Especially now that the month of Ramadhan is more or less a week away. During this month, when the gates of hell are closed and the gates of heaven are open, we should strive to be our best. I forget what my macalim used to say. The first 10 days of Ramadhan if you fast in accordance to Islam, you get forgiven ( I think), the second 10 days, the Islamic Ummah gets forgiven and the last 10 days (lailatul Qadr) you are freed (metaphorically speaking I believe your soul is cleansed and your slate is washed clean). Don't quote me on that because I am getting old and I might have forgotten the exact rewards. Anyway my point is that we should strive to be better muslims and strengthen our ummah. Make it your resolution this Ramadhan. There are usually wonderful lectures during this period not to mention the atmosphere itself nourishes and rejuvenates the soul.

A homegrown bug bit me

Ebu nione kama bado naweza kuandika kiswahili asili. Sijaandika kiswahili kwa miaka kadha wa khada. Natumaini haitakuwa ngumu hivyo. Ningetaka kusema mengi lakini kwa sasa nitaandika juu ya roho yangu inavyolia kila siku. Ndio, mimi ni mchovu. Sababu ya uchovu wangu ni masikitiko inayonishika kila nikifikiria kwetu;pwani. Majirani wetu akina dida na uncle hubesh, kadindo, sambaba, faiz, sofia na latifa. Kila nikitembe njee kusalimiwa na jina langu. Siku za ramadhan kupelekeana chakula kisha sahani yako inaregeshwa na chakula ya jirani yako. Asubuhi na mapema Mzee Ali akigonga dirisha la nyumba kumamusha buda kwa sababu salatul fajr iko karibu. Mwadhini wasikia kila mara na hata si moja pekee. Mskiti, leso, taraweh, udi, qasida, mshakiki......ramadhan si kamili bila vitu hivyo. Ukitoka shule, AsemaNaye yupo nje akiuza victoria na maembe za pilipili. Au kama hutaki matunda waweza kukula kachiri, mahindi, muhogo, viazi vya urojo, viazi vya pili, kaymati, mbaazi, mabuyu ama hachari . Majioni mengi tukienda lighthouse kubarizi hewa. Arusi za kiswahili na kucheza chakacha kwa mviringo. Ah! jemeni. Nitaenda nyumbani siku gani?

Mwembe tayari, makadara, blue room, steers, nyali, mamba, mombasa beach, bamburi beach bado mpo? Ama kutokuwepo kwangu imekubadilisha. Hussein bakery, nilivyopenda kununua biskuti zako kila jumapili baada ya kutoka kuogelea kwa bahari. Kila jumamosi, kuenda dil bahar kununua chicken tikka na mkate mayai. Aisee chakula si kutu peke nichohisi, lakini harufu za chukula ndio unakumbuka. Kisha nikakuwacha pwani wangu. Mpenzi wangu.

Nilisafiri kuenda Nai. Kule naye nilianza na manumba 9. Kusikia muziki na kupewa sare. Nikapata paka wangu, KCI. Nilimpata akiwa mtoto. Alinichukia kwa sababu alikuwa anamtaka mamake, lakini nilimlaza nami kwa kitanda changu. Nilimpa maziwa na vidole vyangu mpaka akawa kama mtoto wangu. Kila siku nilipotoka shule alikuwa barazani akiningojea. Akinifwata kila pahali naenda. Kisha akawa dume wa kijiji. Mapaka wa kike walijaa kwa baraza na ukuta zetu wakimlilia. Nakumbuka nikirusha kiatu changu baada ya kutoshindwa kulala usiku nzima. KCI, uko wapi sasa?

Lazima, mola akinibariki, niregea 2007. Lazima!!

Did you exercise your right today?

This petite woman stood infront of our class and coaxed us to follow her through the semester. Dr Ischida was going to change our mindset. The way we viewed media specifically. I had liked her from the get go. She was different from the other professors I had taken before. She was passionate about her subject. She asked us to talk about our assigment as she walked around listening in. We were discussing how we were swimming in mass media each day and didn't know anything about it. She asked us to explain how the TV stations could create a niche market and know we are going to tune in. Nielsen Ratings off course.

When we talked about the net though I was suprised to see that apart from two other students in the class, no one else knew what cookies was? Dr Ischida nearly fainted. She looked shocked as she tried to explain what cookies was. You'd think that would be the last of the suprises in store for the poor woman. I don't know how we came upon the topic of the primary's but today in MN, everyone was voting. Katelin and I were the only people who knew that was going on. The rest of the class was dumbfounded and unconcerned.

I am a bonefide American now but I confess that today I didn't exercise my newly earned right. Why? because I didn't have the right tools to make the right decision. I haven't being able to look up the candidates and see what their platforms were. The presidential elections are not that far away. I should get cracking on this. I feel appalled that even though I knew the primary's were today I didn't know the issues. I am turning into an uninformed American.

Should non voting be considered political suicide or political action? Should the young voting masses of Americans remain uninformed because they don't see a reason why they should be?They are cut off from the world off course. Their closest neighbours are Mexicans and Canadians. Americans live a relatively comfortable life without war, hunger, disease breathing down their necks. Has this made them complacent? Have I become complacent?

Whether we like to admit it or not Americans shape the world. Their vote puts someone in the Whitehouse who will change domestic policy and moreover change foreign policy, thus shouldn't Americans be informed? Shouldn't they be able to strike off the issues that each candidate represents at the drop of a hat? Should the world be scared to know that a large percentage of the 10 million young people who vote, are not even sure who their state representative is?

All I know is I will be reading newspapers and checking up on C-Span and the net each day to make sure I don't become an uninformed consumer. If you have a brother/sister/mother or father who is eligible to vote this year please make sure they are aware of the power they possess. We shouldn't commit political suicide by not voting or by voting without the right information!

'Tis that time of year

As the night cloak spreads across the city, most new yorkers are glued to their TV sets. Its the night before 9/11. Most TV channels are running specials featuring touching stories of survivors and heroes. The channel most of them are watching though is NBC, which features the opening game of COLTS and GIANTS. Or, as they have being calling it for the past year MANNING vs MANNING. Considering I caught the last eight minutes of the third quater and all of fourth quater, I can say I was not impressed by the colts. Oh, no doubt they will make it to the playoffs if Tony D. has anything to do with it but they seem to be still lacking in the running game category.

I got to be honest, I don't like COLTS and was so rooting for GIANTS. I didn't think that last penalty call was warranted. Harper slipped!!! There was no push off. Come on now ref. The pass was perfect and it could have won the game for the Giants before they embark on going head to head with Philly and Seahawks. I am liking Jacobs he has the strength and Tiki has the speed and agility. This could definately work out.

So tommorrow night. Viks vs Redskins. I haven't followed any of the viks game preseason so I have no idea how they will fair. This game will help me deduce if I should smirk when I drive by the Viks fans or cheer with them as they cross under our skyway system to head to the dome.

PS: I was meaning to discuss one show I was listening to that had to do with 9/11 but I am too tired to gather up my thoughts. Inshallah I will post the commentary soon.

Really I am just me ;)

Ok. Here is my not so amazing list. I am just going to type what I think of.

a) I am very,very friendly to complete strangers actually I tend to trust them with my life on the first day. (This is only true if you pass my gut feeling test. PS: I haven't being terribly burned yet)

b) I go out of my way to make people comfortable by mimicing and assimilating into their life. I literally can blend into anyones life

c) People have a natural tendacy to talk to me about their problems and I have a natural tendancy of trying to solve them.

d) I laugh at almost anything. I tend to find humor in the most weirdest things hence I am either smiling or giggling when I talk.

e) I am very forgiving and understanding. I don't begrudge people but here is a disclaimer. If I ever begrudge somebody it must have being a very horrible thing they did because I have a high threshold.

f) My memory is in both extremes. Alhamdullilah bad things are forgotten in a matter of minutes and good things remain in my mind for a very long time.

g) If I have money I spend it on whoever is close to me that needs a pick me up. I'll use any excuse to shower someone with a gift.

h) I say what I mean in the most diplomatic and honest way;amazingly I actually have less enemies than friends.

i) This is necessarily not amazing but most people remark that I love debating and winning it. I can go on for hours discussing something if there is any chance I can convince you to side with me.

j) I get nightmares a few days before something horrible happens in my life otherwise I usually don't dream.

Alternates:

k) I am rarely fazed by any emotions. Anger makes me laugh and sadness makes me uncomfortable. Upside to this is I cry when I read books and watch movies but in real life situations I am what my mother refers to as stone.

l) This is a noteworthy one. Most of my male friends and some female ones have refered to me as a man stuck in a woman's body because I think and usually act like a man but I love shopping, so yea BEWARE!

Phew, that wasn't that bad. My list isn't exactly amazing but its me. Lemme see who I can tag. I tag borderless,shirwac and angry somali man.

Part II of Taalam Acey

We need you to come back forward

Sorted into the monolithic mysteries of missing links

Between cotton fields and killing fields

These brothers need rebuilding

Whether they've burned out in cubicles

Or burned up on blocks

Whether they've been pushing pencils

Or pushing rocks

They done tried to go from capital to capitalist

But it wasn't enough action in their auction

So they been walkin' into prisons

Like roach motels

And the prison industrial complex

Done eliminated the division

Between slave quarters and cells

And look at him sitting there

Still thinking this is a white man's world

When his cell mate is white

And his cell mate is thinking if we could just

Get rid of these niggas

I could economically improve my trailer-park life

become a father to my children

And a husband to my wife

He has yet to figure

That he's just a flesh-colored nigga

Who can't even afford the luxury of being white

Both of them sitting there blaming each other

Living the same cell, Living the same life

Meanwhile the Net is destroying the minds of young men

The Net, Nigga Entertainment Television,

constantly broadcasting the crippling passions of the at-risk young population

showing videos and shows that make seventies blackXploitation films seem like the work of August Wilson

that's why I needed to have daughters

to give Ida B. Wells, Harriet Tubman and Queen Mother Moore

The opportunity to come back forward

I tell them he says he can't get past

"Her breast ... Her ass" but you gotta make 'em

take 'em under your wings make 'em rise

make 'em understand that the heaven between your thighs

can't compare to the salvation thats behind your eyes

revolutionary negotiation

He can't get wet if he can't get wise

remind him of the late nineteenth century and southern reconstruction

when black women made a pact not to touch him

if he wasn't about nothing, what happened then?

Brothers couldn't smoke ses on corners

Cause they were too busy smoking sessions in congress

But in this millennium the next could've been Malcolm X

Is somewhere taking a swig off of a 40 oz malt liquor

Called Black Death talking about "Damn that Billboard was right,

This shit here do put hair on a nigga's chest."

Tell 'em you ain't impressed.

He can go home and feel his own damn chest

If he can't take kids then he can't take sex.

Like Frederick Douglass "No Struggle. No Progress."

You can't process his request

Till he stops confusing his manhood with his baguettes

Tell him to tuck in his long-ass chains

And pull out some self-respect

Holdin' up street signs

Like somebody's paying him overtime

Grown-ass man gotta run like a bitch

Every time the police comes

And cause he calls himself a player

Now your son wants to be one

Tell him the cost of clowns in the community is buildin'

And our children simply can't afford it

Tell his backward ass to play the bottom

Till he's up and ready to come back forward!

Cleaning out my files

I was cleaning out my files on my word when I came across a bunch of my ramblings. Some of these suprised me when I read them.

Twisted and confused
In a fetus position I lay
My temper infused
I think of how far I came
Could it be that I was robbed
Robbed of my youth
Like a thief in the night
You came within sight
Told me a lie
Then ran off with my life
There you left me
Twisted and confused
In the fetus position I stayed

Damn the heavens
Damn the hell
All I wanted was to be even
Instead I failed
I fought the fight
To be the same in your sight
I wanted prove my worth
Instead you pained my wrath
Laying in agony on my mat
I set out for my flat
I knew I would die
For I never told I lie
The child I bore
Was yours for sure
Instead you turned your back
And told me to see a quack
Now I am walking the last mile
Leaving this world with a smile
I came to terms with the facts
At least I learned how to act

Insecurities transferrance

Huh? No kidding. I was sitting here thinking to myself what to name this post and this word popped up. I noticed lately that I am making people do the above mentioned deed unto me. Life hasn't being easy for me but it hasn't being hard either Alhamdullilah. I always seemed to be content with what I have and never desired what I didn't have. I always did what was asked of me, sometimes above and beyond. My weapon of choice to combat life? A good heart and giggles. So whats the deal?

I decided I wanted to change my life. I wanted to do something for me. To wake up each morning knowing its a day of my own making. Needless to say the news didn't go over well. I was blackballed. At first I was morose. I couldn't get myself out of bed for a few days. I kept crying into my pillow. I was so sad that I made myself sick to the point of being driven to the emergency room. I prayed and fasted and Alhamdullilah I got better. As soon as I got better the transferrance begun. People started blaming me for their insecurities. One for lack of financial power, one for lack of vision, one for lack of self-esteem. Just because I decided to shut everyone out during my trying times doesn't mean that as soon as I am smiling again,its time to bring on the stress. Give me some space and time. I am still reeling from the blows life dealt me.

Mind you, the reason for me shutting people out is not out of malice but because I saw that for the first time everyone wanted me to live their version of "my life". It was a rude awakening and I was ill prepared for it. The only people who were truly happy and supportive of me were a couple relatives and my closest friends/allies. I am truly blessed to have them in my life. If it were not for them and off course Allah, I probably wouldn't be typing right now.

Love lies in the Brain

I was picking up my MRI scans from the ED but was told to wait while they were transferred to a CD. I went into the waiting room, which was empty, and sat down. A National Geographica magazine peeking out from under a bunch of women's magazine caught my eye. It was an old issue. The cover boldly screamed love. Amused and interested as to what National Geographic would have to say about love I turned the pages. Here is an excerpt:

In the Western world we have for centuries
concocted poems and stories and plays about the cycles of love, the way it morphs and changes over time, the way passion grabs us by our flung-back throats and then leaves us for something saner. If Dracula—the frail woman, the sensuality of submission—reflects how we understand the passion of early romance, the Flintstones reflects our experiences of long-term love: All is gravel and somewhat silly, the song so familiar you can't stop singing it, and when you do, the emptiness is almost unbearable.

We have relied on stories to explain the complexities of love, tales of jealous gods and arrows. Now, however, these stories—so much a part of every civilization—may be changing as science steps in to explain what we have always felt to be myth, to be magic. For the first time, new research has begun to illuminate where love lies in the brain, the particulars of its chemical components. Anthropologist Helen Fisher may be the closest we've ever come to having a doyenne of desire. At 60 she exudes a sexy confidence, with corn-colored hair, soft as floss, and a willowy build. A professor at Rutgers University, she lives in New York City, her book-lined apartment near Central Park, with its green trees fluffed out in the summer season, its paths crowded with couples holding hands. Fisher has devoted much of her career to studying the biochemical pathways of love in all its manifestations: lust, romance, attachment, the way they wax and wane. One leg casually crossed over the other, ice clinking in her glass, she speaks with appealing frankness, discussing the ups and downs of love the way most people talk about real estate. "A woman unconsciously uses orgasms as a way of
deciding whether or not a man is good for her. If he's impatient and rough, and
she doesn't have the orgasm, she may instinctively feel he's less likely to be a
good husband and father. Scientists think the fickle female orgasm may have
evolved to help women distinguish Mr. Right from Mr. Wrong." One of
Fisher's central pursuits in the past decade has been looking at love, quite
literally, with the aid of an MRI machine.

Fisher and her colleagues Arthur Aron
and Lucy Brown recruited subjects who had been "madly in love" for an average of
seven months. Once inside the MRI machine, subjects were shown two photographs,
one neutral, the other of their loved one. What Fisher saw fascinated her.
When each subject looked at his or her loved one, the parts of the brain linked
to reward and pleasure—the ventral tegmental area and the caudate nucleus—lit
up. What excited Fisher most was not so much finding a location, an address, for
love as tracing its specific chemical pathways. Love lights up the caudate
nucleus because it is home to a dense spread of receptors for a neurotransmitter
called dopamine, which Fisher came to think of as part of our own endogenous
love potion.

In the right proportions, dopamine creates intense energy,
exhilaration, focused attention, and motivation to win rewards. It is why, when
you are newly in love, you can stay up all night, watch the sun rise, run a
race, ski fast down a slope ordinarily too steep for your skill. Love makes you
bold, makes you bright, makes you run real risks, which you sometimes survive,
and sometimes you don't..............

The rest of the article goes ahead and expounds on the evidence found. They examined how anti-depressants factored into divorce rates. It was an excellent read but since it was an old issue, you would either have to be a collector or be a member of the website to get access.

Whats your beef?

I listen to this talk show every morning on my commute to work. The theme on Wednesdays is always whats your beef?. People basically call in and vent. Now I got to admit that some things that people vent about are absurd but some of things are justified. This evening I got into it with someone and it made me want to call into the show and tell them what my beef was but you know what? I remembered my blog is my platform, my stage, my journal, my sounding board. So ladies and gents, here is my beef.


As a child and as a grown up, there are moments in a parent-child relationship that are strained. Moments like these are tense and usually made worse by emotional outburst that hurt both parties. Confined in the family, I usually think its healthy, but sometimes it gets overwhelming and these situations tend to nip at your heels at your school/work/friend/love etc.So what to do? You talk to your confidante,your compadre,your amiga/amigo. You cry, you vent, you curse, you yell, you promise never to cry again then you cry some more, you wish you had diff parents (at times) etc. I think y'all understand exactly where I'm headed. What does the other party listening to you do? Do they listen and nod in agreement? Do they shake their head and tut tut about your display? Or Worse join you in cursing and yelling?


Now thats my beef!!! I don't care who you are or what you are. My family are mine alone to bash. I have earned the right to bitch and moan about them in every which way I please because they are la familia,comprende? I don't appreciate it when a person, I'm in a close relationship with, does the bashing with me. HELLO! who are you to be talking about my momma like that? my papi like that? my frere like that? I am very,very,very,very,very,very,very,very.............(have I stressed that enough?) protective about my family. When everyone else is gone there are the ones who will be there no matter what. Remember the saying friends are forever but family is for life or something similar. Anyway I just think that is a line friends and anyone else in my life shouldn't cross. You should declare from now henceforth Thou shall not family bash with me.

Taalam Acey in Town

For those who live in Minneapolis I would recommend to catch this cat's show this Friday. The unfortunate part of the whole thing is his show is at a bar (Spirell Bar). Show starts @ 7 pm, doors open at 6. I believe tickets at the door cost 15 bucks but advance cost $3 less.

Oh jeez, I didn't even introduce him, Duh! Taalam Acey, not to sound like his groupie,is the most famous spoken word artist out there. He has toured and lectured, not to mention educated on spoken word, both domestically and internationally. He does venues in select cities and usually is prominently featured on campuses. As a spoken word fan, I own a couple of his cds, my favourite being 'pieces of change'.Most of you might be shocked with the work I chose to highlight. Taalam's style is different. He uses erotica to capture attention and draw it to whats important.

PS:- Anyone go watch Chris Tucker when he was in town last weekend?

Its being a year!!!!

Lawd. Its being a year since I started this blog. Funny how time flies. I am usually a phase person. I am excited about something for a short period of time. Come to think of it maybe its an attention span problem. I am just glad this one stuck for a year and hopefully I will stick it out for another year.

What being going on with me. Well folks I finally went in to see the doc. I have a CT scan scheduled inshallah and will hopefully get a clean bill of health alongside my bill from the hospital. I also got accepted into a program I wanted since I was a child in UK. I was excited at first till it hit me that i have to come up with funding for the school in about four weeks. I can't do that. Its impossible. I have being online the past four nights googling under all keywords for funding for Us citizens education in UK. I am sad to say for my particular situation there isn't one i can pull out of the hat in four weeks. I am devastated that I will probably have to decline the offer and live a miserable life in a freaking pharmacy. So folks, be generous with tips and advise for me. Especially you UK lot. Is there a loop I can't see that perhaps someone out there knows. I would be eternally grateful to whomever and whatever I can scrounge up to pursue my life long dream.

The saga of Hani

As the knife entered his sleep induced body, Hani felt the adrenaline rush coupled with a loathing for this man she called her husband. She had been aiming for his heart but the knife seemed to have picked it own destination, nestling snugly between the liver and the heart. Hani watched the blood spurt out as she gave the knife a good twist and turn. Lifting her eyes to his face, her mind registered that Abdi had been screaming the whole time. His lips were drawn tight in terror while his eyes blazed brightly at her. Hani grabbed the knife with both her hands and savagely pulled it out. Turning on her heel she walked towards the door and ultimately freedom. There was neither remorse nor accountability evident in her body language. Hani walked tall and proud. Her dark eyes held a malicious gleam that was mirrored only by the evil smile now present on her lips. Calmly she placed the knife in a bucket of hydrogen peroxide. She then wiped off any stains on the handle of the knife careful not to let her clothes touch it. Dipping a cloth in the hydrogen peroxide, Hani backtracked and cleaned up the blood trail leading into the kitchen. Walking back into the kitchen she tipped the bucket of the remaining liquid down the drain and filled the bucket with sand. Halfway full she placed the knife in the sand and continued filling the bucket. Looking at the clock above the oven, she wondered how long it would take for Abdi to lose consciousness. Hani was almost done when she heard a phone ringing within the apartment. DAMMIT............I forgot about his cell phone. She rushed into the bedroom a little too late. Abdi was already done delivering the message. His eyes had a triumphant look as they shut themselves to the world. Hani quickly grabbed the bucket, careful not to let any dirt fall out and walked calmly to one of the many exits in the building. Placing the bucket at the doorstep of the laundry building, she sprinkled some cigarette butts on the top. She then threw the gloves she had on into one of the washers spinning. As she was walking back to the apartment, she heard sirens getting closer.

Change of plans. Things weren't going as she had planned. She could walk away and say she had to run an errand and was therefore not home, or she could pretend she just came home. She picked the latter. Leaving the apartment door open she walked into the bedroom and reconnected the phone. She then sat by the still body of Abdi and willed some tears to spring from her eyes. Hani grabbed the phone and dialed 911. Speaking in a fake sobbing tone, she sold the story that she came back to an opened apartment and a stabbed husband. Three minutes later, the ambulance personalle wheeled their gurney in. One performed CPR while the other charged up the defribillator. "I have a pulse" came a triumphant voice. "Good, Lets strap him in. ETA should be 5 mins." Hani's breath quickened. He is alive???? No it can't be. She felt her body being pulled to its feet. An officer was asking her questions she didn't have the answers to. She was lead to a squad car and pushed into it. Hani couldn't believe this was happening to her. NOT HER!!!!!!

Ready to die

Kalthum stared fixatedly at the ceiling. She thought about the cobwebs dangling off the corner and how she should really get rid of them one of these days, but not today. She turned over to her side and placed her hand over the dent in the bed. He used to lie right next to her for the past thirty years. As her palms swept across the Egyptian cotton sheet, she could almost swear she felt his presence in the bedroom. A tear escaped from her eyes as she thought back to all the memories that were made in the room. Kalthum rolled herself to his side of the bed and inhaled deeply. She had changed the sheets last night but his scent still lingered. After ten minutes she finally felt ready to face the world. Quietly getting up, Kalthum smoothed out the bed as per her habit. She walked to the en suite bathroom and got ready for her day. The bathroom felt drafty. When Ismail was alive, Kalthum was used to a steamy bathroom in the morning. Alas, today there would be none of that. Kalthum washed her hair but couldn’t help but to break out in sobs as the water ran down her back. She emerged back into the bedroom to sunny filled room. Grabbing a pair of white chino slacks and her favorite U of M sweatshirt, she walked to the kitchen.

A pancake batter and eggs later, Kalthum realized she had cooked a meal enough for two. She wondered how long it would take for her to get used to the idea he was gone. He wasn’t coming back. She was alone. Kalthum lost her appetite. Storing the food in the fridge, she turned her attention to the morning newscast. It was a ritual she performed each morning with Ismail. They watched news and discussed the broadcast as they munched on their breakfast. This morning was different. There was no one to argue with as to the pro and cons of Israel’s invasion of Lebanon. Kalthum realized she couldn’t stay in the house all day thinking about him. Everywhere she looked, she saw him. His smile, his clothes, his shoes, everything reminded her of him. She grabbed her keys and walked to the garage. Ismail had bought her a car a month ago. She clambered into the car and drove towards the beach. Santa Monica beach had a calming effect on her. Everytime she fought with Ismail, she used to go there for a couple hours. She realized that she was mad at Ismail for leaving her alone in this world. She, who took great pains to be there for him all his life, felt she deserved more. Kalthum heard the horn blasting after she felt her car crumple. Her chest felt compressed and about to explode. She could barely think through the pain shooting up her arms and legs. She knew she was in bad shape when she started seeing red spots in her eyes. Then she felt it, a calm washed over her and she quit fighting for her breath. She closed her eyes and as she did a smile played on her lips. She was going to be with Ismail after all.

I am not my chest nor my backside dammit!!

Guess you can tell from the picture what my rant is going to be about. I started another full time job the day after school closed. Its summer so I figured I could use the long days to make money plus gain experience in a hospital setting. Its being about 9 weeks now since I started this job and I am beginning to loathe going to work because of one person. Lets call him Mr. T for confidentiality purposes.

He is Nigerian and a christian. I try not to get into the habit of stereotyping people but Nigerian men have loose morals, among other loose things. Anyway he was nice to me the first day and since he was among the three africans working among 75 caucasians, I reciprocated. BIG MISTAKE!!!

Let me go through my run ins with Mr T. One day as I was bending down to grab some drugs he walks out of the break room. Ladies, you know that feeling when your skin crawls because you know someone is looking at you with horrible thoughts? I turned around to look and there he was grinning at my backside. I got up and asked if I was in his way and he says, "Nope, just admiring the view. THE CHEEK! I glared at him and he walked off chuckling. The next day he says he will take me to Nigeria to be his wife and basically since then he says it once every day to me. Another instance, while he held the door open for me, he whispers, "You are well endowed." I did a double take and told him to be careful what he says to me. The last straw was when he sat across from me in the break room while I was lunching and proceeded to make me uncomfortable by remarking how he loves the way my skirts look on me. " You are always dressed well and within your parameters of your religion, covering your essential areas but I love the way your skirts fit;especially the green one." YUK! From then on I can't even wear my green skirt.

I have had it! Seriously. I wear my hijab, my long sleeve shirts and my skirts. I thought I was being modest and modern at the same time, but after Mr. T I am having doubts. I am not the kind of person who is aggressive and therefore find it hard to tell him that he is being an asshole and neaderthal. I have told him I am getting married, I have told him I feel uncomfortable with the way he speaks to me and about me, I mean what else is left to do but maybe bring it up to my supervisor? I feel awful even contemplating it. He is a veteran at work and I definately don't want to make life harder for anyone especially another black person. What to do???? Any ideas???

Bring my momma back!!!

I have being meaning to write about the new HR4437 law being put forth in congress. For those who don't live stateside, lemme elaborate about this law. First off its an immigration law that is largely going to affect families. Most people think its focus is the latino community but I can see it even affecting somalis. This law will criminalize undocumented immigrants whilst before it was just a civil violation. HR4437 will also criminalize individuals/organizations harboring or assisting illegal immigrants. So if your Eedo/Habaryaar/Abo/Hooyo/Wifey is an illegal immigrant and is staying with you, you will be treated and prosecuted as a criminal. Note that I said organizations. This includes social services, refugee agencies, legal services. Basically any organization that helps immigrants with some kind of service.

HR4437 law will shift burden on proof from the government to the illegal immigrant when it comes to felonies that will lead to deportation. Furthermore this law will allow the local/state authorities to act as immigration officers, giving them jurisdiction to carry out investigation, identify and detain immigrants. So, again if you have an illegal immigrant and you get robbed or worse, I guess you will think twice before calling the police. This law, if it passes, will turn minor cimes into aggravated felonies which could have dire repercussions to your immigration status. Simple things like accessory to criminal activities, DUIs, assisting an illegal immigrant could lead to being deported, detained, stripped of your residency status or worse being banished from US. You must be thinking that is not so bad. Here is the kicker though. There is a retroactive clause which means if you commited these acts when they weren't classified as felonies (maybe 20 odd years ago) you can still be deported. Finally HR4437 prevents a federal court from reviewing any application for naturalization that was denied. Hey USCIS could deny your application for naturalization and there wouldn't be anyone to complain to except them.

What sparked me to write about this today was because I was listening to NPR on my morning commute and I heard this piece of news. This latino family was driving from California to Arizona to some relative or other. They get stopped by the cops. The kids were born in US but the parents were illegal immigrants. The parents were detained and shipped back to Mexico while the kids maternal aunt was called to take the kids. This family was literally split apart. I don't understand how they can justify denying a child his/her right to being raised by his/her own parents. People of latino origin provide labor that most US citizens wouldn't do. Most of them do want to be legal but the process is lengthy and expensive for a below minimum wage worker. I also don't think US is doing them any favors with the NAFTA agreement because that agreement benefits the cream of the crop of Mexico and not the poor, desititute workers. I am against this law unless they provide a path to legalization especially when it impacts families who are half legal, half illegal.

Ayeyo Hawo

Have you ever met a woman you knew was a gem from get go? I have. My great aunt Hawo. I call her Ayeyo Hawo though because she was that stalwart lady in my life. I met her when Somalia went into civil war. Diminutive in status, she used to sit in the "baraza" and watch the melee of people coming in and out of the house. My sister used to call them refugees. I thought they were fascinating people. They spoke dialects of Somali I had never heard and fought constantly for the phone. Ayeyo Hawo used to let me comb her hair. Her hair was thinning but it held me spellbound. She had Hindi hair and it was just the right length for me to practice my hair braiding skills.

As of 3 am this morning, I lost my Ayeyo Hawo. She has suffered on earth. She had kidney problems and wouldn't accept a kidney from any of her kids for years. A couple years ago, her son, threatened that he will take out his kidney. Ayeyo Hawo had a choice, to take it or it goes to some other person on the transplant list. Ayeyo acquiesced. She got better. For the first time in a while she ate heartily and often and we were only to happy to feed her. Her voice gained some power and her eyes sparkled a bit. A mirage for us perhaps, but it made us hopeful. She has seen her children give birth. She has seen her children's children give birth. What I will miss the most about her is the talks we had. She was the first person I had met who never made fun of my attempts at speaking Somali. She listened and asked for clarification whenever she couldn't understand what I said. My aunts and uncles used to laugh and ask her how she understands my garam garam Somali. Know what my Ayeyo did? She admonished them. She told them she understood me perfectly.

I am glad your suffering on earth is over Ayeyo. What awaits you in heaven only Allah knows but I am assured by your actions on earth. The kindness, the mercy, the intellect and most important the faith you had. You prayed your five daily prayers even when you were ill. Confined to your bed you asked for water and a pan to take ablution. Your dialysis didn't stop you from exercising your faith. You will forever be my inspiration and for that I thank you. I pray that Allah forgives you of your transgression and grants you Jannatul Firdows.

Our Lord! Make them enter the Garden of Eden which You have promised to them, and to the righteous from among their fathers, their wives and their offspring, for verily You are alone the Almighty and the truly Wise. (40:8)

Our Lord! You embrace all things within Your Grace and Knowledge, forgive those who repent and follow Your path, and ward off from them the punishment of Hell. (40:7)

Our Lord! And grant us that which you have promised to us by Your messengers and save us from shame on the Day of Judgement. Verily You never fail to fulfill Your promise. (3:194)

Our Lord! Grant us good in this world and good in the life to come and keep us safe from the torment of the Fire (2:201)

Mashallah she touched many people. I was amazed by the number of cars at the funeral procession and more amazed by the people who turned up for her remembrance. All the dua that was said today, may Allah grant them. Amin.

O' Allah keep them safe

I never thought the war would hit so close to home. It was always distant relatives or acquitances, never my immediate family. For the past week I have being an avid listener to BBC kiswahili. Each morning after salatul fajr I click on the link and listen intently for news from Somalia. Why? Because my nephews live there. The one pictured on the right is Mohamed. He was barely two when he was sent to Mogadishu. His brother, Abdallah, had a year and a half leg up on him. I took this picture on his second birthday.

I know that I should be worrying about all children who are suffering at the moment but I can't. I worry about him and Abdallah. I never agreed with my sister's decision to ship them to her in-laws but I held my tongue. They were not my kids. At times I nursed the notion of reporting the kids missing at the US consulate but I didn't. My mom called me tonite to ask me about moving from campus and she brought up the subject. She wasn't pleased with my sister especially after confronting her about safety issues. I held my tongue as my mom awaited my usual "I will talk to her." I couldn't say it. I guess my mom understood my silence because she dropped the subject. I pray they are fine and I pray I have the courage to talk my sister into bringing them back home, where they will be safe. I pray that a bomb or missile or bullet won't come anywhere near their vicinity because dear God they are innocent. Keep them safe. Keep them under your ever watchful eye and bring them back home. Amin.